Kim Kids

The Last "First"

2011-10-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

Isn't it amazing that we have a God who knows exactly what we need? And He knows how to bless us far beyond what we can even ask for?

Oliver is very much the picture of God's very best for us. Even when we thought we'd "try for a girl" :) Even when I'm still struggling to figure out this "mommy of 3" stuff and I can't believe it's been a whole year and I still feel like such a newbie with this challenge.

Oliver is this amazing and perfect gift.
He is light and love and brilliant joy. He is hopes fulfilled and dreams come true.

And we got to celebrate his first year yesterday!

It was a simple and sweet little party. (I'm sorry, Oliver, that we didn't throw a big bash like we did for your brothers...please have grace for your mama who just couldn't pull it together amidst the craziness and chaos of life right now. It doesn't mean we love you any less!!)

The boys were excited to give him (and share) his new bath toys.

Oliver really enjoy hearing "Happy Birthday" sung to him by his cousins on the phone. He was even trying to sing along!

We shared some cupcakes.

There was a bit of a mishap with the birthday balloons:

And we discovered he wasn't the biggest fan of his smash cake! His first time eating cake was definitely not a hit.
However, the "funfetti" cupcake scored a little higher in his book.

He's talking up a storm now--it seems like he's learning a new word every day. So far his list includes: Mama, Dada (or Daddy), buhbuh (brother), bahyah (balloon), bah (ball), Papa, Ah-men, Ah-duh (all done), hi, Isaiah (very close!), and Ehhhhuuh...or some sort of attempt at Elliot's name.

He's walking all over the place, and keeping us all on our toes.
He's blowing kisses (so cute) and giving big hugs and open-mouthed kisses when asked...or not. He really loves to plant great big kisses on unsuspecting older brothers!!

He's really grown fond of Isaiah in the past month or so! Whereas Elliot and Oliver were more of an instant bond, this new friendship with Isaiah has really blossomed lately. It's so beautiful to see their relationships growing even at this age.

He got his first hair-trim by yours truly--the very day after he turned 1!

And he also joined his brothers in the BOYS bedroom! This is really huge, and I'm still HOPING it works out. Insoo and I have been out of our room for many months trying to get Oliver to sleep well, but it came time for us to have our bedroom back! So we gave it a shot the very night he turned 1, and so far it seems to be going well! We're still crossing our fingers, and I'm sleeping worse than I did on the couch because I'm so worried about the boys waking each other up and all that jazz...but I think the results will be worth it!! (The boys certainly think it's pretty awesome, too.)

Oliver Jude, you make my heart burst with love! You complete our family so perfectly. You bring your brothers great joy and your parents such gratitude. You are a masterpiece from heaven, and I am so blessed to be your mommy. Happy First Birthday, my baby...I love you so.

*Disclosure: Thanks to the creative and talented sister of mine, Andrea Hydeen, for all the matching cute birthday stuff you might see in these photos!!! :)

Ten Things I Love About You

2011-09-15T18:34:00.000-07:00

1. I love that you always cut our boys' fingernails.

2. I love that you play hard!
3. I love your great smile, and your amazing laugh.
4. I love that you take time to teach.
5. I love that you show affection easily.

6. I love your worship, and your music making.
7. I love that for a date night at home you would: spread out a backyardigans blanket, set out a rose, pour some white zin, use chipotle napkins, and surprise me with cheese sticks. Perfect in every way.
8.I love that you keep smiling for pictures even when I've taken the family waaaaaaayyyy past the photo-taking-time-limit.
9. I love that you take the boys fishing.
10. And most of all I love that you're forever mine. Happy birthday to the one I love.

Papa and Grandma Judy Time

2011-09-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

Well, it appears as though I have been on a sort of blogging hiatus.

It hasn't been intentional, I've just been a wee bit swamped and overwhelmed with life, and three little energetic boys. It's been been the kind of season where I feel like I will NEVER ever know the experience of "leisure" time again.

And meanwhile, life has been so rudely whizzing by me! Important events and special moments that I've really wanted to write about and hold on to have flown by, giving no thought to the fact that I have zero time right now to capture them!

So I'm deciding to get back in the game. There are some big things coming up this week that I want to share, as well as a few flashbacks of summer that I really need to document, for my own sake.

So I begin tonight.
Yeah...at 1am.
I guess this is the "leisure" time I have, in lieu of sleeping. :)

* * * * *

This past weekend, Dad and Judy were here to help us celebrate Oliver's baby dedication.

It was especially meaningful to me, because for Elliot's baby dedication, Mom was alive, and flew to Chicago for the dedication with my dad only 2 months before she died. For Isaiah's baby dedication, Insoo's parents were here--even his dad was visiting from Vietnam! So it seemed perfect, for Oliver's dedication, to have their brand new "Grandma" here to celebrate with us, and for all grandparents to be accounted for in the dedications of our 3 sons.

So they flew in and blessed us with their presence.
The weekend was absolutely chock-full of all the fun things that grandparents bring. Namely: candy, attention, toys, donuts, love and affection, more candy, more attention, more toys, playing games, special treatment, and a few more pieces of candy. Needless to say, we had some happy little boys on our hands for the past few days.

It really warmed my heart to see the boys bond so beautifully with Dad and Judy. Our family is the only one that lives far away...so I often feel like our kids miss out on almost everything. So to have this special time with them, this undivided attention, this great opportunity to share life, and to be known and to re-connect was absolutely priceless. I know they all felt SO loved and cared for this weekend.

This morning Elliot forgot that they had left and asked eagerly when Papa and Judy were going to wake up. And today both older boys have had a bit of an adjustment, not having someone listening to them and playing with them and entertaining them every moment of the day. They can't quite understand that Mommy wants to play but has to do some work too. And poor Oliver has missed having two people fighting for his hugs and cuddles all day long. So he busied himself by trying to walk some more, and making it about 6 or 7 steps one time today!What melted me most during this visit, though, was to hear Elliot call out, "Grandma Judy?" all weekend long.

Even though we knew early on that Dad and Judy were going to get married, we wanted to wait until that special day to call her "Grandma". So on June 24th of this year, they tied the knot, and our boys once again had a "Grandma". (Insoo's mom is "Halmonee", not "Grandma".)

I thought it would be hard to hear my boys calling someone else "grandma", because even after almost 5 years, the most painful part of losing mom is that deep and desperate longing for my children to know her, and for her to know them.

But I have felt such a sweetness and such a peace in hearing the boys call Judy "Grandma". It seems so right. Just hearing that word feels like such a good gift to us.

Because while there will forever be an ache in my heart in the absence of Mom in my boys' life, I believe this "Grandma" is a replacement sent from heaven. I think she would have been hand-picked by my mom to give her grandkids the love and affection that Mom would have given.

Judy is a tremendous gift to Dad, to our family, and especially to these kids who now have a grandma again.

So Thank you, Judy, for joining our family. And thank you for embracing our kids as your own grandchildren, and loving them so well.

We love you.

Birthday Boy Bliss

2011-08-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

Elliot is sooooooooooo happy and proud to be 5 today. I had almost forgotten what a big deal it is for kids to turn another year older. It is huge for them! He's now in the "group" with his 5 year old buddies. He even knows which of his friends are five, and which ones are "five and a half".

Despite most of the family fighting some kind of sickness going around our house this week, we managed to have a great time celebrating Elliot today! And he got lots of phone calls from family--even one from Haraboji in Vietnam! When kids are really little, the phone calls are really for mom's sake...and then something happens when they...grow up...and it means something to them too. Today he said with a big smile, "I'm getting so many phone calls!"

Here are the highlights...forgive the blurry photos:

Cake for breakfast!

A package from Komo..."AWEsome! My OWN Legos!!" And his multiple creations through the day. First he followed the picture on the front of the box to make the numbers. Then he was so proud that he could make his own things that were not on the box! A big deal for this child who wants to do everything right. You may be interested to know that he made a "talking color factory" (pictured below) and some sort of zoo animal carrier vehicle. It was so fun to see his creativity as he worked hard with his own teeny tiny legos. (And this kid loves tiny things of all kinds!)

Out to eat at Max & Erma's, all for their ice cream bar!! (Make sure you don't smile for the waitress, kids.)

In their defense, there were tummy aches going on. I was so worried that Elliot's would end up as a catastrophe all over the floor before we left. Thankfully it didn't. But he couldn't even finish his birthday ice cream, poor kid.

And of course, presents from Mommy & Daddy and Isaiah & Oliver. He loved all of them, even though there were no CARS 2 cars in the mix (his guess for almost everything). I have a feeling he might still get a couple of those :)

Now that he's 5, he is asking to do everything on his own...like pour juice. Hmmm...I'm probably a terrible mom for not allowing him to pour his own juice before 5 years old?!?

He announced that he's able to do a lot more, now that he's 5, because 5 is a really big number.

Oh, and since he's 5, all his shirts with a "4" in them are too small--he can barely fit them over his head. :) Ahhhh, the joys of being young and actually wanting to turn a year older.

I cannot relate. (sigh.)

* * * * *

Elliot, you are an absolute delight. You'll always be the one who changed our lives forever, when we became parents for the first time. And you'll always have a special place in our hearts as our "firstborn". My mom always said that to me...and now I finally get it. It's not that we love you more than the other kids...but that you've changed us the most. For good.

It is so fun watching you learn to read and spell words. I LOVE it when you spell on your own, especially when it's not quite right.

I love your creativity, like in this bug you drew. Even though it's quite a violent bug with three "piewers" on top, two gray "boppers" and one stinger pointing down, it makes me really happy.
I love your imitation of a Cheeze-It
I love learning with you, talking with you, and getting to know you.

I love your zest for life, and your incredible smile.

And I love it when you burst out in song, like today, "God LOVES us. He sent His Son to die for us...because of His great love."

May you know so much more of His great love this year.

I love you.

A "BIG" Day!

2011-07-14T18:00:00.000-07:00

Today was a big day in our house...Elliot got his very first growth hormone shot (administered by yours truly) which he will now take every day* until he's 17 or 18 years old!
*Except for a weekly "skip-day".

You might remember this post from a while back. Since that time, we have had multiple tests done, talked to lots of doctors, spoken with many people, and offered up countless prayers of healing for Elliot and wisdom for us. It all culminated with the choice to move ahead with growth hormone treatment, and that began today!

Believe it or not, for the past 6 weeks Elliot has been excitedly asking, "When do my shots come?" He has been determined to be brave, not to cry, and he's really excited to grow. Oh, and he may have been ever so slightly looking forward to picking out his very first CARS 2 car. Best 4 bucks I've ever spent!!

Poor Isaiah though...I can see exactly what he's thinking in this moment..."I sure wish I could get a shot so I could pick out a new CARS toy too!"
You may or may not know that growth hormone is incredibly expensive. But I have been absolutely amazed at how God has provided for us in this situation that seemed waaaaay too big for us.

A few weeks ago I called the pharmacy and was told that our insurance would cover this, as the need for it is very obvious from all the test results. Then in the next sentence she said that our cost would be $1300 for the first month. Right there I put the whole thing on hold, and called our insurance company. I found out from them that we'd need to come up with over $5000 in the next few months, and when that was met the cost goes down to $30/month.

Thanks to an email and suggestion from my dear aunt Connie, I made a string of phone calls which resulted in talking to a financial assistance program through the drug company. After submitting our proof of income they confirmed that we're eligible for $4000 of aid for the cost of this drug!

I have been astonished ever since! And now I can't stop talking about it. I want to tell everyone I know, so that if you're ever faced with a huge medical situation like this, you can know that there might be help somewhere and it IS worth the stress and hard work of making numerous phone calls to try to find it!!

End of soap box.

So back to today.

Elliot was such a stud. The poor kid has been through the ringer in the past year or so with all of this, and then all kinds of teeth issues on top of it. He has been terrified of shots after all the prodding that he's endured, so even with the little bribe of a new CARS toy, I find it remarkable that he's chosen to be so courageous about the whole thing. There were definitely moments of extreme fear immediately before I stuck the needle in at our training today. And there were many more tears shed than any of us had hoped. But when it was done, he announced with a tear-stained face that it didn't even hurt. For the record, those tears don't diminish his bravery at all in my book.

Last night we put up new growth charts that I recently scored from the library, and measured all the boys. It was great fun, and it will be encouraging for him to see how quickly he shoots up. Unfortunately he thought that we should measure him again tonight, since he had a shot today...I guess it might not seem quite so quick to him.
So tonight I'm feeling really excited for Elliot.

And I'm also feeling a bit selfishly conflicted.

While I really believe we're doing the best thing for our son, I realize that part of his growing up--the literal part--has been sort of spared from me.

Long before I ever knew there was something "wrong", I made it a point to never say things to my kids like, "Don't ever grow up"...or make even playful comments that could come across like I would rather them be younger or smaller...but the truth is that I feel that way sometimes. And with Elliot, I've actually gotten to hold onto my small boy much longer than most people get to. His face has barely changed from the time he was a baby, and there's a part of me that will be really sad to see him change so quickly right before my eyes (as is anticipated, if all works as planned.)

Not to mention the clothes and shoes we'll go through in the coming year or two as these are projected to be the years that he does the most catching up. He might even grow 5-6 inches in the first year. I'm used to him wearing the same pair of shoes and clothing for a couple of years! I didn't have much to compare it to, so I didn't realize anything was terribly wrong. Of course knowing what we know now, it all becomes so clear. There's a pair of size 18-month shorts he was still wearing last summer that went straight to Oliver this summer. What's that about hind sight being 20/20?

Things will hopefully start to change very quickly for Elliot. I want that. And yet it will be a little bit hard. I want my child to grow and thrive, yet I don't want to "lose" my little boy. But really, isn't that the case for every parent? With or without a growth-hormone-deficient-child? Of course it is.

So, my dear Elliot, I'm so very proud of you. I'm astounded by your courage and bravery. I want the absolute best for your life, and your health. And I will embrace every day of this growing thing with you. I don't care one bit if you always remain the smallest in your class, but I want you to grow to your fullest potential in every way. I want you to soar. I want you to be confident in who you are, small or big.

And I want to not be so scared of you growing up. I don't want to hold you or your brothers back in any way whatsoever.

I guess I have some growing to do right along with you.

New Summertime Recipe

2011-06-15T21:34:00.000-07:00

Are you looking for a new favorite summer meal?

Look no farther! Have I got the post for you.

Not only is it SO easy to make, it's very healthy. AND it tastes delicious. I could seriously eat it every day (and I practically have been.)

OK.

You make a pot of quinoa. I tried it with 1 part Q to 1.5 parts water to make the quinoa "pop" in my mouth, and LOVED it that way. (as opposed to 2 parts water per my directions on package)

Then chill the quinoa in the fridge until you're ready to eat it, or you can eat it warm too. But I like it better cold.

When you're ready to eat it, add chopped cucumber (a lot), sunflower seeds (a lot), slivered almonds (a lot), raisins (a handful), and a little olive oil and sea salt.

Don't let the raisins throw you. You can definitely eat it without them, but even if you don't like raisins so much (like me) give it a try. I'm not normally super fond of them, but I think the raisins add great texture and sweetness without making it too...raisiney.

It is so delicious. You have to try it.

And if you do, please tell me what you think.

See, my husband doesn't like it so much. And I L-O-V-E it. My kids will eat it for me, but they don't quite get my passion for it either.

I really hope that not only is this helpful for you, AND a delightful summer meal, but that I can find someone to share this great discovery with!!! :)

Being "Mom"

2011-05-31T20:04:00.000-07:00

I have less than an hour left before it's not May anymore, and for some reason it's important to me to get this Mother's Day post out before June arrives!

(The other things I've been trying to find time to write about can all wait until June!)

Mother's Day is one of my absolute favorite days of the year. My husband and my boys dote on me. They let me sleep in! They have secrets and plans and camaraderie. They giggle. They sing to me. They make me breakfast, and I always feel so appreciated.

This year I felt very much like my own beloved mom, because all I really wanted to do was be together, and to go somewhere beautiful and take pictures. So they obliged.

There's something about looking at photos of my kids that causes me to fall in love with them over and over again. I see total perfection in them when I look back at their smiles and see their expressions. I appreciate them so much more in the silent reflection of the slice of time past than I am able to do in the noise of the present...if that makes sense. My heart swells with love for them, but it is often mingled with a tinge of pain, wondering if I loved them enough IN that very moment we captured.

I find myself regularly wondering how much time I'll get to have with my children. I suppose this is partially due to my mom being gone, and celebrating Mother's Day without her. I sometimes, admittedly, lean a little too far on the "fear" side, worrying that I won't have nearly enough time. But for the most part I think it is beneficial for me (and for my parenting) to recognize that we really don't know how many days we have, and to be truly thankful for what God has given me Today.

Lately I've been learning to really, truly enjoy my days with these amazing people. I get to be home with these lovely children every day, through the hard stuff, the silly stuff, the messy stuff, the hilarious stuff, the beautiful stuff. I'm learning to deliberately choose to play and read and teach and hold and tickle and kiss. To not do it just for them, but for me too--because I get to enjoy this wondrous and amazing experience called motherhood. What a beautiful gift it is!

Good bye, Blue 4's!

2011-05-17T18:32:00.001-07:00

Elliot celebrated his last day of the Blue 4's preschool class last Friday.

He'll still do another year of preschool before starting kindergarten, otherwise you know I'd be a complete wreck right about now!

The class performed an end-of-year program, so like every other proud mom in the world, I videoed and photoed the whole thing. I do know that many of you really won't care to read this post or to view these adorable videos. You have my permission to skip this post!! But I'm hoping that at least our family will get a little chuckle out of them.

I remember my childhood church and school programs so well. They were a BIG deal, and when my grandparents and other relatives came to see me, I felt so special. So it makes me a little sad during times like these to be so far away from everyone. I know it's just a little preschool program, but to the little preschooler it's a big deal :) And to the mom it's a big deal too :)

So family, for you, the cutest minutes of the whole thing:

5 Little Pumpkins:

Miracle:

And a few quick photos:
most of the class

proud Daddy

proud Mommy

saying good bye

Elliot was so sweet giving hugs to his teachers and his friends.
And I teared up, along with most of the other moms, during the "good bye" song that they closed every day, and the end of the program with:

Good bye, good bye, to you and you and you.
Good bye, good bye, may God watch over you.

Good bye, Blue 4's and Little Blessings Preschool.

Turning Three!

2011-05-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, am I big now?"
This is what Isaiah loves to ask me. I say something along the lines of, "Let me see..." and he proudly stretches himself out and reminds me again that my "baby" is 3 years old. And I say, "Yes, honey. You are so, so big. I am so proud of you, my 3 year old big boy!"

Oh, Isaiah. I love you so much. There are zillions of beautiful traits that make you special but here are a few of my favorite things...

You are such a little character. You have quite the flare for the dramatic, and we wonder if you'll take up acting one day. We were at the International Festival at church the other night, and from the balcony we were watching little kids dancing on stage. You got so sad and came over to me with your droopy eyes and limp body and whined, "I want to dance!" I said, "Go ahead! Dance along with them right here. I'll watch you. Come on! Dance along!" But you crumpled into a heap on the floor crying because you wanted to be "UP THERE" (on stage) dancing.

You belt out wiggles songs at the top of your lungs from the back seat of the van every single day. I'm really glad that Daddy enjoys it as much as I do. We just look at each other and laugh, again and again, day after day.

You're a really good brother to Elliot. You two certainly have your share of fights but you are also so good to each other. And you, being younger, look up to him so much. You are his little sidekick and support and you say things like, "Great idea, Elliot!" You certainly stand your ground, and stick up for yourself appropriately. But the moments of loyalty and friendship I see in you guys just melt me. You hate to see him get in trouble, and you love him fiercely.

You are extremely affectionate. Today as I carried you (yes, carried you) from church you kissed me over and over and over on the lips and anywhere else you could reach. You LOVE to see Daddy come home at the end of the day, and you regularly tell him that you missed him. When I pick you up from your class at church, you say, "YESSSS!" and run to me. I think you tell me more than anyone else in my life that I'm beautiful, and your words melt me every time. And you still say the adorable phrase, "Can I hold you?" and I don't ever want that to go away.

You are crazy about Oliver, and we are still working on your ability to control your energy and be GENTLE with him. But you just love seeing him and getting your little hands on him and it's like you just cannot contain your love and excitement over your baby brother.

You love to pray. At meals you're almost always the first one to volunteer. And at night sometimes we imagine Jesus sitting in the rocking chair, while we confess to him some things we have done and ask Him to forgive us. One night, with no prompting by me, you walked right up to the rocking chair, rested your elbow on the arm rest and leaned in, getting as close as you dared to be where Jesus was "sitting". The look on your face, and in your body language was so beautiful. I loved seeing you sort of "snuggle up" to Him right in front of me. You regularly remember the wrong things you did (especially to Elliot) and say you're sorry. Then you often say in your God-voice, "I forgive you."

You make us laugh every single day and you love so freely. You have trouble with your "r"s and "l"s, and it's really cute to me. (A bit frustrating for you, though, when we don't understand you.) You are an amazing little boy, so full of life and love and laughter and a wee bit of naughty thrown in there to round you out! I am so thankful for you, my darling second born son.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Insoo and I got home from our very first trip away from the boys (another post on that very soon) ON Isaiah's birthday. I wouldn't let them celebrate without us, so when they got us from the airport around 5pm, THEN it was his birthday!! We celebrated with a fun dinner at Max & Erma's and their very fun ice cream sundae bar. It was a hit!
And when we got home you got to open your toy story themed presents! Your favorites are your umbrella from Elliot, your Buzz game from Papa and Judy, and your "piewing" gun from Hazel and Griffin. We do read from your new buzz book from Mommy and Daddy twice a day and you like the buzz and woody shirt I scored for $2, but the toys are your favorites!I love you, my beautiful three-year-old boy. More and more every day. May you continue to grow into the little boy that God has made you to be. May you FLY like Buzz Lightyear, and defeat the Evil Emperor Zurg. May you fight for what is good and true all the days of your life.

On Empty Tombs and Easter Treats

2011-04-28T18:28:00.000-07:00

Easter Highlights:

The boys singing, "Hosannah in the Highest" as they waved palm branches

Decorating crosses with the boys

Memorizing John 2:19 together, complete with actions.

Reading the Jesus Storybook Bible

Celebrating Easter in style thanks to the pinkadink! (Well, the boys anyway...I had a hard time figuring out how in the world to leave the house when I remembered I was supposed to wear something too!)

An amazing Easter service at church, tearfully watching my friends share cardboard testimonies

(link to come, in case you want to check back!)

Easter package from Komo

Easter baskets from mommy and daddy

Visiting the Mol Families!

Cousin time

Baby Lovin' from Nana Connie and Uncle Cliff

Laughing together

Easter Egg Hunt!

Watching Buzz Lightyear

Playing Cards

Being Together

And celebrating our Savior's Resurrection!

I so loved hearing Isaiah say, "Jesus is Alive!"

* * * * *
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again

And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

6 Months Old!!!

2011-04-07T18:31:00.000-07:00

*Before I hand it over to my baby boy to update the blog, a quick thank you to all of my friends who responded in one way or another to my last entry. I received emails, phone calls, comments on the blog and on fb, and even some books in the mail that I'm really looking forward to reading. Interestingly I felt better almost immediately after posting, and have had some good days since then. :) I realize how important it is as moms to be honest with each other about the hard times--we do understand each other well, and we do need to know we're not alone. Thank you.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Hi everyone, I'm Oliver Jude here to update you on little OLD me! :)

I am now six months old, despite everyone's efforts to slow down time. There is NO stopping me! I am full speed ahead. I do have 2 awesome big brothers to learn from and I am just itching to get in there and play the games they play, and run around like they do, so I just need to speed along to catch up with them!

I recently started sitting up, and it makes life so much more fun! I can sit around and hold onto my toys, throw them out of reach until someone in my family gets them for me, and then do it all over again!

I'm getting so good with my hands, and can do so much with them now! My favorite is reaching out for hugs, and grabbing people's faces as I kiss them.

Oh man, I am a good kisser. I love drenching mommy's face and chin with all my sweet baby slobber. She tastes so good, especially that big jaw of hers. It's like God made her chin to be a teether for me!

My Daddy is my favorite person to talk to. He just listens and listens as I tell him all about my day, or my dreams, and especially when we lay in bed I just love to talk and talk to him. Everyone else in my family talks more than me, but my daddy--he's such a good listener, so I talk more with him than anyone else.

My brothers are like the most amazing people in the whole world. And they are absolutely hilarious. I really love them both equally, but Elliot can make me squeal and scream with laughter. He just knows exactly how to make me laugh. He "gets" me. It is so cool.
Isaiah loves me so much too, and he always calls me a "beautiful baby". Elliot likes to correct him and say that I'm "handsome", but really either word is just fine with me. Isaiah just loves to touch me and come into my personal space. I really don't mind so much, but he gets in trouble sometimes, like when I'm sitting up and he comes over to me and hugs me and makes me fall down. I feel kind of bad when he gets in trouble because I know he doesn't mean it. I'll try to get stronger so I don't fall down so easily. Then we can play together more!
One of my most favorite parts of the day is just before my brothers and I take naps. After we read a story together, they pick a song to sing. They ALWAYS pick "Out among the stars" which you may not know unless you watch Toy Story every day like we do. But I love it because my brothers get on their beds and they jump off like Buzz Lightyear, and every single day when we start singing that song I get the hugest smile on my face, and just get such a kick out of watching these crazy boys sing and act out Buzz. They are my heroes.

OH. BIG NEWS. Well you know I really love sleeping all snuggled up to mommy (and she does too, don't let her fool you!)...but lately we've been trying out the pack n play. And what do you know, it's not so bad! I even kinda like it, if I can be on my tummy!

And get this. I had no idea that I could last for hours without eating. DID YOU KNOW THAT WE COULD DO THAT? My mommy started showing me that I could make it 5, 6, and even 7 hours (I think) at night! I had no idea that was possible. I definitely protest a little, but gosh, I think we might be on to something.

And speaking of food...I tried my first bites of rice cereal today. Can we say YUM???? I gobbled that stuff down!!! Mommy said that my brothers never did so well with it, and she stopped me from eating as much as I wanted so I wouldn't get a tummy ache. But wow. FOOD! Next I think I'd like to try some steak, please!!
Hmmmm...what else?

Oh, my talent! I am the master blaster. I have blowouts almost every day. And if I can get two in the same day, like today, and many other days, all the better! Mommy thought that maybe if she bought more expensive diapers it would help...but I showed her! I can poop through anything! Today just after Daddy changed all my clothes and got me cleaned up I did it again, immediately, so Mommy could have a turn. I just try to play fair.

I love bathtime, and I try to splash as much as possible. I am almost too big for that baby tub though--man that thing is small. I'm afraid my butt's gonna get stuck in it! It must be almost time for the big tub. And bathtime with my brothers. I cannot wait.

I'm trying to learn how to read the Bible!
My favorite toy is a hungry caterpillar thing that Elliot picked out for me before I was even born. It is so fun for me. I also love my "babies" book, and my stuffed panda.

I love to talk, and make raspberries, and drool like crazy. And I don't usually miss my "mommy and daddy time". It's after the big boys go to bed, and then I get some quality time with them. Though, now that I'm getting older...I might give in and try going to sleep at a more reasonable hour

I don't have any teeth yet! Mommy thinks it's strange because my brothers started getting their teeth around 4 months. She is NOT complaining, though!!!

I am the most incredible baby in the whole wide world if I must say so myself. I am happy almost always. (I only cry if there's a reason.) My laugh is the greatest thing EVER. My cheeks could probably win a world record. (Along with my thighs...ankles...etc.) Aside from trying to get this sleeping thing a little more under our belt, I'm quite perfect.

Oh, I think Mommy wants the computer back. Thanks for listening to me tell you all about me!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Darling Oliver, perfect is an understatement. You're absolutely amazing. God knew exactly what he was doing, blessing our family with YOU. I cannot thank Him enough. And I don't know HOW it has possibly been six months already. Can you slow down just a little? And I will try to savor these baby days, because too soon they will be gone.
I love you, my precious boy, more than you will ever know. ~mommy

My Rough Patch

2011-03-30T11:21:00.000-07:00

Confession: I've been having a bit of a rough patch with parenting lately. I know, I know, last time (over a month ago?!?) I was all bliss, and peace, and wanting to freeze time and all that sap. And then it was like - wham! How can I make it through this day? Or even, this hour?

Truth be told, things were not all bliss and happy with my last post--sorry if I mislead anyone!

This is one of the things I find most fascinating, and sometimes infuriating, about parenting. I can go from bliss to utter frustration in one nanosecond. The days are chock-full of ups and downs. Amazing moments, and complete failures. Every single day. I expect that all moms feel this way, and that it really isn't something I need to be medicated for! I hope?

But I'm realizing that, while we strive to savor the moments, and we blog about the precious ones, and try to remember all the wonderfulness about mothering young children (and it IS wonderful!) ...that it might be good to remind ourselves about the hard times too.

I once heard Beth Moore talking about how "old ladies" will talk to moms with young children and say something like, "Oh, those were just the best days. Enjoy them because these babies grow up way too fast..." and how those kind of comments just heap on the guilt for moms who are actually having a really hard day, or a rough season, and she was like, "THEY FORGOT WHAT IT WAS LIKE."

And I KNOW, that one day I will forget the hard times. I will wish for these days back. And I will probably make some dumb comment to some young mom out of my own longing to have the time back, and it will be good for me to remember: It Was Really Hard.

So in a nutshell, because it's really nothing extraordinary, I'm exhausted. All the time. Even time away from home for a couple hours with friends or a date night doesn't pick me up like it used to. I come home with all the same stuff to do, all the piles and heaps of things (physical and mental) that I just cannot bring myself to accomplish. And on a rare moment when I do feel like accomplishing something, one of my little cherubs will be far too needy for me to get anything done at all. I'm snappy. UGH, am I snappy. I yell way, way, way too much. (Now I see Isaiah yelling and I wonder where he gets it.) I hate to "blame" the craziness on the birth of my 3rd, because he's really such an amazing baby and usually very easy other than wanting to nurse all night long, but I guess I'm still adjusting to this new life. And I suppose it has taken a toll on me, and all the members of our family! And honestly, I"d probably still be having a rough patch if I were still "just" the mom of 2.

So this is my challenge. In EVERY frustrating moment-to turn to the Lord. To practice His presence at all times. To trust in Him for my strength every single day to get through the hard times. To lean on Him as my companion when motherhood seems very lonely. (And to call a friend if I need that physical reminder.)

I realized the other day that I was expecting perfection out of my kids, rather than expecting a PERFECT God to give me everything I need to care for them and teach them in all of our imperfections. I need to remember that each and every day.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Now just a few quick photos for our family who isn't here to see our little Oliver growing like a weed. He's sitting up now!!!

*And the next post will be a lighter one. Promise :)

Where's the Pause Button?

2011-02-20T17:30:00.000-08:00

People like to ask the question, "If you could have one superpower, what would it be?" I never have an answer for that one. Sure, flying would be fun. Becoming invisible could be interesting. Healing would be pretty awesome. But lately I find myself really wishing I could have just one superpower...the ability to freeze time.

Right now our boys are 4, 2, and new. They are all in such amazing stages of life. And while not a single day goes by that I don't feel exasperated at some point (if not many times during the day) I also have daily moments of feeling madly and deeply in love--with the kids, and my husband! And for the first time that I can remember, I don't want them to grow up any more. I just wish I could freeze time and always have a baby in my arms, a hilarious 2 year old who still wants me to hold him, and a brilliant 4 year old who doesn't get any bigger.

I don't like that I feel this. I mean, I want to cherish this time. And I do. Almost every day I realize again that it won't be like this for long, and I try to soak it in. I attempt to accept every single hug, snuggle, kiss, or conversation, even if it comes right in the middle of folding laundry, or any other task I'm trying to finish. I suppose I'm glad for the internal reminder to live these days to their fullest.

But I guess deep down there's a fear driving the desire to freeze time. While I know there are so many things to look forward to, in terms of growing up as a family, and even moving beyond the baby stage (Oliver is nowhere NEAR sleeping through the night--I can't even fathom what it would feel like to get a full night's sleep)...sometimes I think, "How can it possibly get better than this?"

There's also a fear of motherhood, and what that will bring with older kids. How can I stay ahead of them? AM I smarter than a 5th grader??? Gosh, at this point I'm hoping to be smarter than a 5 year old!!

How am I going to handle bigger conflicts with the boys, when some days I don't even know what to do with 2 and 4 year old conflicts? And the baby has no conflicts that can't be soothed with a snuggle or a kiss or a little milk.

I want to want to see them continue to grow and mature and learn and develop and soar. I do look forward to deeper conversations, as long as I don't freak out while they're happening. It will be amazing to see more of their gifts and passions blossom as they grow.

But right now things are so simple. Familiar. Sweet.

NOT easy, by any means. A heck of a lot of physical work and absolutely no time to myself.

Growing up just feels a little scary for all of us. I know I need to pray more, for my boys as they get older and for myself as a growing mom. And most of all I need to learn to trust God with my future and theirs.

I need to believe that He has so much more for all of us.

...but if anyone out there comes across this superpower, or some sort of pause button, could you let me know? Because these are a few of the things I'd like to freeze:

Oliver:
his giggles
his smile
how he reaches for my face when he's falling asleep
sleeping snuggled up to him all night long
his sweet and slobbery kisses
his voice as he learns to talk (and talk and talk!!!)

Elliot:
his innocence
his purity
his amazing big-brotherness
our conversations
his capacity for learning
the way he loves to play with toys
his imagination and creativity

Isaiah:
his humor
hearing him sing worship songs and Wiggles songs
his love for Buzz Lightyear
the way he tells me every day how much he loves Buzz Lightyear
How he acts out Buzz Lightyear, and especially Buzz's Spanish Dance
"Can I hold you?"
his fascination with puckers from the bath
the smile that comes out when he's completely unguarded

What has been your favorite age of your kids?
Moms with older kids...does it keep getting better? I will trust that it does.

Hello Again!

2011-02-11T11:24:00.001-08:00

Testing, Testing...
Is this thing on??

Well, hello there! Here we are! Yeah, it's been a while. I can't seem to find 5 minutes of free time anywhere in my day anymore...except for a miraculous moment like NOW when two of the boys are sleeping and one is quiet in his bed.

So, time for a super-fast update on a few fun things of late, especially since our families might be forgetting what the kids look like, and asking things like (and I quote) : "Mom, do we even know Elliot and Isaiah anymore?" (JTH)

Halmonee and Haraboji came for a quick visit! Oliver got to meet his Haraboji for the first time, and was pleased as punch!

Of course all 3 boys got spoiled after bowing to their grandparents. They received New Year's money (per Korean tradition) instead of Christmas presents.

I bet you cant' guess what kinds of toys they picked out with their money!
Well, in case you're wondering...

In other news, Elliot had his very first preschool field trip: Build-A-Bear! It was great fun!
Oliver keeps getting more and more rolls as the days go on...
And the big boys still cant' get enough of their baby brother. For this I'm very grateful!
Sometimes Oliver seems a little unsure about what kind of brotherhood he's been born into, though.

No, really, most of the time he laughs his head off at any little thing his big brothers say or do. He's just as in love with them as they are with him.

A Giggle to Make You Smile

2011-01-05T13:19:00.000-08:00

Lemonade for Christmas

2010-12-28T18:49:00.000-08:00

Really, I cannot complain.
This was the first time ever in my whole long life that I was not "home" for Christmas.

Oh, aside from 10 years ago when we celebrated a couple weeks early due to my dear friend's wedding, and my siblings' Orange Bowl band trip or something like that. But that Christmas was the one where sparks flew with a certain "friend" that I was SOOOO happy to be with if I had to be away from my family. Now he's my family. Anyway.

We have always made it home for Christmas even though we've always lived far away. But this year, the drive seemed too daunting with an infant AND two big boys. We just didn't know how it would go, and what the weather would do. And to fly with a family of 5 would cost a lot more than we could spend. So we decided to stay here. :( I missed my sibs. I missed Dad and Judy. I missed being at "the house"...especially wondering if this would really be the last Christmas there.

But I REALLY missed the boys getting to spend time with their cousins. That was the hardest part for me. Knowing that the monkey jammies photos would be missing 3 more monkeys. Knowing that the craziness at the house would be a little dialed down. :) Knowing that memories are being made without them.

Those were the lemons I had to deal with this Christmas.

So we did our best to do lots of special things as a family and really enjoy our time together.
Make Lemonade, right?

But our lemonade had a secret ingredient...
Dan and Sarah came here to Columbus to be with US for Christmas!!!
It was the best lemonade ever.

I hope your Christmas was lovely too.

*If you haven't seen enough, click HERE for more photos!

Visitors Galore!

2010-12-23T11:06:00.000-08:00

I have been so incredibly blessed by friends and family who have come to visit us--whatever the occasion. Summer road trips, random weekend trips, a place to stay on their way through, and holiday trips. Seriously, I'm not sure anyone really knows how happy it makes me to have people come to visit. I have realized recently that it means the world to me to spend holidays with "visitors" if we cannot be home with extended family. It makes such a difference in my appreciation of the holiday, and makes it feel so different than "normal" days. It pulls me out of self-pity and loneliness and into the joy of the present. Plus, having extra hands to help in the kitchen or to entertain children is always a gift too! :)

Loony came to be with us for Thanksgiving, and we had a blast. The highlight was definitely leaving home at 3am to do some Black Friday shopping. Now I can say I have experienced Black Friday to the fullest. I am not sure I need to again...unless I have a loony friend in town to do it with. It really was fun, and made a great memory!!!

She played so well with the kids. I cant' remember if I actually slept for part of the time that she played with them, or if the feeling was so restful--having someone else entertaining them and loving on them--that it felt like sleep. I honestly can't remember the circumstance, (due to the 3am shopping, I'm sure) but I remember the feeling crystal clearly.
And of course we got to show off our newest addition, as well. He likes her--can you tell?
On Thanksgiving Day, we were blessed doubly. Not only did we get to spend it with Loony, practically a lifelong friend, but also with new friends here in Columbus. But these new friends already feel like old friends. And those kind of people are almost impossible to come by. I'm overjoyed that God chose to bring them to Columbus. And spending Thanksgiving together was a great treat!
The boys even got to dress up for the occasion!
And we managed to get a couple family photos! I believe these might be the first ones since the 1 at the hospital and the ones from Target when Oliver was 10 days old. Yeah, a family shot was long overdue!!! It's so much harder to get them with each additional child! Too bad this mommy didn't do anything to her hair. Oh well, I suppose it's another thing I'll need to get used to...looking like crapola for family photos--I just be thankful to get them when I can--hair done or not :)
Then Komo came to visit shortly after Thanksgiving. I'm not sure what happened to the reindeer and sleigh...this poor Santa had to lug her Christmas loot onto the greyhound bus...and it was a LOT! She spoils the kids like CRAZY. Not only with gifts (which are always perfect for them!) but with affection and candy too. She has this gift of understanding little ones. She knows how to really play with them. She gets down on their level. She sees them as children, when I sometimes see them as adults in small bodies. She actually introduced the idea to Elliot that toys turn real when we're not looking--especially the Toy Story ones--just like in the movie. And he believed it...believes it still. I've never seen him so captivated.
As you can see, the kids are not lacking in attention with Komo here!
And I hope her love tank got filled up with warm sleepy baby cuddles and snuggles.
And now...to finish preparations for our guests arriving just in time for Christmas!!!
I'm still very sad to be away from my family for the first time ever...but it sure helps to have friends coming to be here with us!!!

Merry Christmas a little early...

So Very Thankful

2010-11-24T11:37:00.000-08:00

I am so very thankful for the time I got to spend with my family this past weekend, introducing them to our newest son, and meeting my newest nephew!

So thankful for Dad and Judy, and how much they love him already:

So thankful for Andrea and all the parenting advice she can give me, being a couple years farther along than me :)So thankful for Maria and the opportunity to have our babies so close together!
So thankful for Mel and the awesome auntie she is, and for our one-on-one car time she was willing to stay awake for!
I'm so thankful for baby Griffin, the buddies that Oliver and Griffin will surely become, and that they could "meet" before they get tooooooo big.

I'm so thankful for sister-time, and all the "laughter" we shared! (Missed you, Joel.)

I'm thankful for ALL the people in my family who were so excited to welcome and hold my new baby. What a gift it is when people love on your children. Thanks for having "Smits Dinner", everyone!

I'm thankful that my husband was willing to be apart from me and the baby, single-parenting the big boys to let me do this trip that was important to me!

I am so thankful for our reunion as a family of 5, and the thrill the boys had seeing their baby brother again. (And his thrill at seeing them!)I'm thankful for the smiles and almost-giggles coming from our 7 week old bundle!
(Look at how much he looks like Elliot...the following photo is Elliot at 2 months)
I am incredibly thankful for a visit from my "loony" friend (arriving in just a few short hours) and making our Thanksgiving away from "home" feel a little more like home with the presence of this lifetime (almost!) friend.

I'm so thankful for NEW friends inviting us to their home for a Thanksgiving meal tomorrow! (And really thankful that I don't have to cook a turkey. Yuck.)

I'm thankful for my God from whom all these amazing blessings flow.

And I am so very thankful for His Son, my Savior, and for His love. His death. His life. His gentleness with me. His patience with me. And His constant presence--whether I am far or near.

Thank you.

When Size Matters

2010-11-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

I remember doing this when Elliot was a baby too...

Lately I've been trying to keep Oliver in "newborn" clothing rather than moving up to the huge (or not!) 0-3month size stuff.

Silly, isn't it? Especially because now a couple of the CUTE 0-3month outfits are too small, and he could have been wearing that for a while!

I guess it's an attempt to keep him small. I know I can't keep him small forever. Nor would I want to, really! I'm sure it's somewhat normal, though...right? I know of people who have CRIED when their babies move up a size in diapers. I haven't cried...but I do feel very sentimental when that happens.

And I AM having a hard time putting size 2 diapers on my 5 week old. (OK, they are big, people. And it's because I am almost out of size 1s and I'm trying to figure out if I need to buy more size 1s or if I should just keep going with 2s. And here I am getting all defensive about this size issue that I do NOT have.)

Well the baby clothing thing is a bit nutty, I admit.

But normally I'd say size isn't a big deal to me.

At this point in time, anyway.

There was a time in my life when size mattered way too much.

I remember being proud, in elementary school, when I brought home a report card that showed I hadn't gained weight that year. My PE teacher circled it and put a sad face by it. And I was proud. In elementary school!!

In high school and college I cared way too much about my size and I harmed my body in a number of ways to achieve the "right" size.

Thanks to God's healing in my life it's not a big deal to me anymore.
In fact, I can eat almost anything my mother-in-law puts in front of me! (almost.)
I can buy a pair of jeans that aren't the "right" number.
I can eat "2nd dinner" with Insoo many nights. (we do eat a LOT, he and I!)
And, while it's not my favorite thing to hear, I can smile and nod when Elliot reminds me regularly that "Daddy is older than you but you are bigger than Daddy."

This is a pretty recent thing with him. We've begun having conversations about size. At a certain point, being "bigger than..." becomes important to growing children. At least to growing boys, it seems. And Elliot's definitely on the smaller end of the spectrum. We've already talked about the possibility of Isaiah passing him up; that Elliot will always be older, but Isaiah might be taller one day. We talk regularly about how some kids are bigger and some are smaller. And we don't make a big deal out of it. I certainly don't want it to be a big deal to him.

To me, it hasn't mattered that Elliot is the smallest in his class or that people think he and Isaiah are twins. But it's come to my attention that maybe it should...We'll have some testing done in the next couple months to make sure that it IS just fine that Elliot is small, and that it is not an indicator of something "bigger" going on. If you think of us, we'd appreciate your prayers that don't need to worry about this size thing. I want it to remain something that really doesn't matter that much.

Before we started having these conversations, I didn't think Elliot was too aware of the "size thing".
Then one day he came home from preschool and said, matter-of-factly,

"Mom, today I was the smallest one in my class."

"Oh really?" I said...rather surprised. (And very intrigued by the "today" part)
"How did you know that? Did you get in a line from the biggest to smallest?"

"No." he said.

"Well, how did you know that you were the smallest today?"

"We were sitting in a circle. And I looked to my left, and I looked to my right, and I was the smallest one in the circle."

pause.
I didn't know exactly how to respond...I was trying to read him and he didn't seem very concerned.
So I think I just said something like, "Oh. Hm."

Then he added, somewhat happily,
"Just like Thomas."

"Thomas???"

"Yeah! Thomas is the smallest engine of all!"

"Oh! Yeah, honey, he is the smallest, isn't he! That's really special, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

So we'll have the tests done. We'll pray that it's nothing serious. And we'll do our best to raise him--and all our boys--with the understanding that their worth doesn't come from their size. And that we certainly don't pity anyone for being small. After all, Thomas is the smallest engine, and he's a pretty great one!

How Time Flies

2010-11-09T11:37:00.000-08:00

Here's my one-month-old!!!
And what a busy month it has been for us!!!!

Full of what, you ask?
Well, if you're wondering...

A gazillion cuddles & kisses from mommy (the mostly healthy one)

"His Face needs Space" (for the rest of the family...trying to protect my baby from all these sicknesses)

Using the aspirator too many times for his stuffy nose (my warnings didn't seem to pay off)

Nursing about 423 times

A thousand baby squeaks and nursing noises

Loving every single one

Oliver learning to smile

Mommy learning his ways and the things he likes

Wondering and praying for who he is, and all that he'll become

This feeling of a newborn is so familiar yet so new...his face, the feeling of his little body wrapped up in mine, the sounds, the smells, the sleepless nights.
It's all so wonderful...except for maybe the sleepless nights.
No--even the sleepless nights. They won't last long, and then it will be all over.

I don't think I'll be one of those women who begs their husband for another baby...but I can definitely see how it happens. This stage of newborn-ness is amazing. I'm enjoying so much more than I even thought...probably because it will likely be the last. And I just want to savor every moment!!!

Oliver, you are a gift. A great delight. A marvelous treasure. And I love you with all my heart!
~mommy

Who's the REAL Buzz???

2010-11-04T19:38:00.000-07:00

Anybody remember that line?
Probably not...just us Toy Story fanatics! :)

Well I just had to share a few belated halloween photos!

"Piewing" their lasers
Best Buddy Buzzes

The trick-or-treat gang

Oliver's first costume! :)

*And all for only $3.50 spent at Once Upon a Child! Thanks to the Hydeen peapod and Bryson's Buzz hand-me-down! Is that awesome or what?

Now if I could just get my hands off of their halloween candy!!!

Missing Mom

2010-11-01T11:10:00.001-07:00

Grandma Sharon Days have come and gone, yet again.
That season of the year that we are much more intentional about celebrating who mom was.
Those days that we are more determined than ever to not let her go unknown to our kids or faded in our own memories.

While most of the days are full of happy things, good food, funny stories and great excuses to buy coldstone ice cream and eat lots of sugar, it is also the tangible reminder that she is not here.

For some reason this year was a harder one for me. Ever since Oliver was born, really. They say that time heals...and in some ways it does. But in some ways, our guard comes down just a little bit more and we feel the pain a little more when our guard is down.

For me, having a third baby that will never know mom hit just a little harder this time. Because it's not just this baby and his birth, it's his whole life, and the other grandchildren whose whole lives have been absent from her. And I know this time--even more than I did the first time, or the second time--how much I'll wish she were here for so many things.

So having a new baby made Grandma Sharon Days a bit more somber for me.

There's also the "Love You Forever" book, which we always read. But this year, Elliot actually understood that the mother dies. I don't think all 4 year olds get that. But he did, and asked me point-blank questions that I could not lie about. And on mom's birthday, he asked if she had lived a "long, long, long, long time"...and I had to lie for that one and say "yes". I suppose in his mind 50 is a long time, so maybe I just had to lie to myself. Because to me it isn't nearly long enough.

And this year, for the first time, I let myself cry to my Eva Cassidy cd. For the past 4 years I have tried not to listen to her beautiful music. But this year, when I had some naptime to myself, I put it on and let myself cry...let my heart mourn just a little more. I will never forget sharing her music with mom, and how much she loved it too. Eva died at a young age as well, and what is burned into my memory is, after listening to one song in particular--"Know you by heart"--mom said, "Ohh, her family must miss her so much..."

So those were the hard parts of Grandma Sharon Days.

But there were so many fun parts as well! And I took pictures of a few of them!

We got to celebrate fall, mom's favorite season, by going to "Fall Fun Days" at a farm nearby.

We went on a hayride
We saw lots of pumpkins

The "big boys" went through a hay maze

And were very excited to see the animals at the petting zoo
We got to eat Coldstone ice cream, of course. (No Grandma Sharon Days event is complete without it!) We even splurged this time and got our own individual ice creams instead of sharing!!! Now that's going All Out, Baby!!
And on mom's birthday we made pink cupcakes and bought a huge pink ribbon balloon!
I love Grandma Sharon Days...I love remembering all the "little" things that made her so wonderful. I love that she is a part of me, and my kids. I am so grateful that she knew Jesus, and that we will be together for eternity with Him. I like to believe that my boys will get to know her there...I just feel sad in the waiting time because "grandma sharon days" ...and every day...would be so much better with her here.

First 2 Weeks...

2010-10-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

Oliver Jude fits into our family like the thumb in our glove...our little family of 5 :)

It's been a great 2 weeks with him, and I need to record some of the highlights of this precious time, already seeming to slip through my fingers...

Halmonee spent a week with us to help out and cook, cook, cook!!! (Her primary love language.)
yeah...we don't have a lot of counter space...

The boys got to spend some birthday money from "KunKomo"...so not only did they get a new brother...but in the same week they got NEW BIKES!!! (And as much as they love them...they would say Oliver definitely takes the cake in being the very best new thing in their lives!)

We have been blessed by friends visiting and bringing meals! (Could I be happier?????)
When he was 4 days old, we took Oliver on his first outing...to the park!
(The big kids really needed to get outside!)
All three boys did their favorite things as of late: Oliver slept, Isaiah swung on the swing, and Elliot gathered nuts for the squirrels!

Everyone seems to be adjusting well and getting better (we've all been battling some sickness but it seems to be on it's way out!) Elliot just wants to hold, hug, and kiss Oliver at all times, and it makes it really hard to encourage him to give him space, kiss his feet, or touch his clothes...I want that bond for them as much as he does. He's such an amazing big brother, and loves to help me with anything I will let him do (throwing diapers away...anything!)
And this new little baby continues to grow and change and amaze us with his beauty every single day!

Introducing Oliver

2010-10-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

We are so incredibly thankful to God for our newest son--Oliver Jude Yusoon Kim!

What a gift he is to our family, and he's such a sweet baby already!

Oliver means: "olive tree"; "kind, affectionate"
Jude means: "Praise"

As we pondered over a name for our 3rd son, and considered Oliver, I was reminded of some verses God brought me to many months before. They were so affirming to my heart especially as we found out we were having another BOY! :)

From Psalm 127...

3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.

⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.

⁵ Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

and then Psalm 128:

¹ Blessed are all who fear the LORD,
who walk in his ways.

² You will eat the fruit of your labor;
blessings and prosperity will be yours.

³ Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your sons will be like olive shoots around your table.

⁴ Thus is the man blessed
who fears the LORD.

So for me, "Oliver" means...the blessing of BOYS!!! :)

And we feel so blessed, indeed.
(check out his great highlights straight from the hand of God!)

Here are the details of his entrance into our world...

Labor and delivery went great. I had contractions all day Thursday every 10 min or so, but continued with normal life...driving around, taking care of kids, doing all the normal mom-stuff I do every day. We were not sure what to do with the boys since my contractions could just fizzle out, or they could lead to a baby! But by the time we needed to get the kids to bed, we decided to bring the boys to our friends' house in expectation of the baby coming that night.

Thank God we did, because the second the door closed behind Insoo and the boys, (8:30/9pm) things started kicking into gear and I finished up packing for the hospital! When Insoo returned around 10, we were ready to leave. I was looking back at my paperwork and saw the electronic signature on the consent forms with the time stamp of 10:35 pm. Oliver was born at 11:46pm.

What a rush! :)

Here we are with this minutes-old-miracle!

The next morning, Insoo picked up the boys and brought them in to meet their new little brother. Elliot skipped preschool and we spent the morning together at the hospital bonding as a new family of 5, eating donuts, kissing Oliver, and watching PBS. They were captivated and so in love with their baby brother from the moment they laid eyes on him.

Rachel (aka our lifesaver--along with her husband--as they're the ones who took Elliot and Isaiah overnight) came to visit me and the baby in the hospital that afternoon and gifted us with flowers and yummy soup!

That evening the boys and daddy came back again--it was so hard for them to be away from us (and hard for me to be away from them)! They were thrilled to spend some more time loving on little Oliver...

...but then they grew quite restless...until they discovered the little closet that they could both fit into, and that led to lots of fun. (also smashed fingers despite 723 warnings to watch their fingers...)

And the next morning we got to come home! Before we left we asked the nurse to take a photo since we didn't have any photos of all of us together. So this is our first "family of 5" photo. She only took 1, so this is still the only one we have. I think I should just give up now, on taking any great family photos from here on out :)

Here's Oliver's home-going photo:
Upon arriving home there were balloons from Dad and Judy:

Flowers from Insoo and the boys:

And our brand new baby filling our home with even more love and blessing and greater Joy!!!
Welcome to our family, baby Oliver Jude!! We love you so!!!

Good bye Summer, Hello Fall

2010-09-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

So...it seems to be almost October...

Like...tomorrow.

Did you catch that?

How did that even happen?

I know, I know...everyone else around me has jumped with both feet into fall, and here I am still lingering behind...looking back with my arm outstretched and fingertips gripping onto the very edge of summer.

Oh, it was a good summer.
A really good summer.

But it is time to say good bye...let go...embrace what is ahead.

A NEW season!

Fall Fun!!

AND A NEW BABY!!!!

Yes...a brand new season in so many ways.

So without regret...

Good bye, long summer days and first joys of kite flying...

Good bye, spontaneous trips to parks and gardens and waterfalls...

Good bye, ducks...feeding you was such a summer highlight for the boys...

Good bye, skipping rocks and jacket-less days...

And WELCOME, Fall!

Hello, Apple Picking and (forthcoming) apple pies...

Hello matching sweatshirts (didn't realize they were ALL in black until this post) and cool breezes...

Hello fall jackets and soon-to-be-changing-leaves...

And Hellooooooo soon-to-be family of 5...Here we go!!!!

Around Here...

2010-09-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

So much has been going on around here, and I've been terrible at keeping up with it all!

Let me try to fill you in...but please promise not to critique the photos :)

Insoo:
My dear husband turned a year older yesterday! It's been a really fabulous year as I've seen him continue to step into more of who God has made him to be. I don't care if that sounds cliche, it is true. Time and again, in so many areas, I've seen him stretched and I've seen him rise to the challenge. He is an amazing man and I'm so blessed to walk alongside him in this life.

Happy Birthday, Insoo!

Oh, and a "minor" note...He did return safely from his missions trip to Indonesia. It was a good and stretching trip, but I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to let him do that again.

Elliot:
Our oldest child began a new year of preschool in the Blue 4's class. Somewhere amidst the root canal I sort of missed the importance of his first day and totally forgot to take pictures. :( He looked something like this:
He recently made a drawing of our family that I absolutely love. He did everything on his own--the gluing of the googly-eyes and the drawings of all of us. I (for a reason I can't remember...possibly a mistake he wanted cut out of the picture?) cut around it and wrote in the descriptions as he told me about the drawing. I LOVE that he drew the baby in my belly. And that we're all "hugging". It is one I will always cherish. (Click on photo to enlarge if you're interested)

He also turned 4 last month, a milestone I forgot to document here since his birthday party had been a month early. He had an awesome bouncy-place party with ALL his little cousins and almost all his friends!

On his actual birthday, he chose a McDonalds lunch :)

Isaiah:
He is my potty-trained-wonder-child! I used to say potty training was one of the worst things about parenthood. Until this kid came along, and trained himself. I hardly had to do a thing! We have had one mini-accident at the park and only one nighttime accident in these many weeks we've been going with underwear night and day! I seriously cannot believe it, and cannot believe I get to have about 2 months without diapering before baby comes :) Thank you, thank you, my sweet boy!!! What a gift that was to me!!! :)

He continues to grow in leaps and bounds. I feel like I have 2 four-year-olds since he wants to do EVERYTHING Elliot does.

Me & Baby:
I had a birthday in August, too, that never made it to the blog. I got some pretty sweet gifts. My husband bought me a long-awaited comfy rocking chair. I just love it. Every mom needs a rocking chair that she LOVES to rock her children in--preferably a huge one that will fit everyone at once.

The boys (Elliot, especially) were absolutely thrilled to buy me my very own Jessie doll. It has to be one of the things they were most proud and excited to do in their whole lives. (Isaiah had a hard time letting me hold it, though.)

We have only a few more weeks to go until we meet our new baby boy! (3 weeks from Sunday is the due date!) But like almost everyone who's been pregnant, I am hoping he'll make his arrival a little early.

I was realizing the other day that I didn't have any "pregnancy photos". We were so good with Elliot, documenting the whole pregnancy with month-by-month photos in the same spot in the house, same position, in similar clothing. And we even had a friend take some really nice pregnancy photos.

With Isaiah I remember taking a couple photos of Elliot kissing my belly, and a few others with Insoo's and my hands on my belly...so at least a few pictures showed the pregnancy.

But this time, I'm almost due and realizing I don't know of a single photo that documents this pregnancy. Poor 3rd child. I'm sorry, little one. You are JUST as important, it's just that we are so occupied with two other little ones to chase around that you don't get much "attention" right now. That will change. I promise. But for now, here's a photo from Sunday--right at 36 weeks. And a picture of how much your big brothers love you. They ask every single day when you will come. We cannot wait to see you, precious boy!

Nesting is in full swing. I love sorting through baby clothes and attempting to finish up a couple projects on my to-do list. I still have a LOT on that list, but it's so fun to check things off, and prepare our home and our hearts for the newest member of our family. We're SO excited!! Who knows...maybe the next post will be about his arrival?!? We shall see....(depends how nesting continues to take shape...I may write every day or not at all...so no promises!)

Teeth, Timing, and Trust

2010-09-02T11:17:00.001-07:00

My "baby"...my 4 year old...my incredibly sensitive, loving, compassionate, and COURAGEOUS son...had a "first" today.

A "first" I wish he would have never needed to have...but he did.

A root canal!
A "baby root canal"
Today they even mentioned the possibility of a "partial" root canal.
But a root canal, nonetheless.

I've already been through the tremendous feelings of guilt, questioning why in the world he has such bad teeth when we are very careful with sugar, and juice is a special treat, and while I'm not nearly qualified to be a called a "health nut", we take nutrition seriously and there was absolutely none of the "juice in a bottle at 6 months" type of reasons the dentist was rattling off, and we do brush their teeth once or twice a day, and well, we don't floss-oops-didn't know I had to floss my 2 and 4 yr old but you better believe we do now, and why--oh why does my boy have such terrible teeth? Besides the little fact that my parents, siblings, and myself all have had terrible teeth...so naturally he inherited my horrible teeth genes...poor thing.

Anyway, I worked through those feelings of guilt and responsibility. We've taken more steps as a family to be MORE aware of sugar in things like bread and yogurt. We do try to floss their teeth every night and we've upped the brushing ritual to 3 times a day, and we'll see if this brings better success.

I've pushed back the date of this procedure twice now, landing on today, the 2nd of September, and actually keeping it even though it was supposed to be his first day of preschool. He missed the first day...but I knew I couldn't postpone this any longer.

I was terribly freaked out, to say the least. Thankfully I hid it well enough to help Elliot become VERY excited about going to the dentist, getting to wear a mask like Lillian does for her nebulizer treatments, and get his hole in his tooth fixed. He's been looking forward to this day just as much as I've been dreading it.

Imagine my relief when Insoo was able to come along!
How Perfect!!! I can hold Elliot's hand and Insoo can hold mine 'cuz this mommy definitely needs some comfort while I watch my baby go through this.

Well only one parent was allowed in the room for the procedure and as fearful and inadequate I felt, hoping Insoo could be the strong one, Elliot asked me to stay. (I was still really glad Insoo was just steps away in the waiting room!)

Elliot was an absolute champion. He wasn't put out or anything--it would have cost around $700 out of pocket to have that done, and believe me I considered it HARD!! He was so strong, so brave, so calm (thank you, laughing gas, for having a very good effect on my child!) and the dentist and assistant were both exceptionally good with him. It was as great an experience I could have hoped for!!!

...until the minute he saw that big silver cap on his tooth in the mirror and did not like what he saw...and from that moment...especially when we stepped outside the door of the dentist's office...many tears ensued.

He cried hard for a whole hour, while we dropped off Insoo at work, picked up Isaiah from our friends' house, and headed back home. Reassuring him that this funny numb feeling would go away didn't help...holding him didn't help...his prize from the dentist didn't help...a smoothie from McD's didn't even help...he claimed to be in a lot of pain and repeatedly begged me to let him take the tooth out, or to take it out myself when we got home. Only my story of myself at 5 years old with 5 caps on my teeth...my mouth so numb I couldn't talk right, and imitating the "Thhhhpplaat thhhhhwwwwoooo plllthhhaaathaw" of myself trying to talk got a few giggles out of him...just for a minute or two.
I wondered if this really was pain and not the numb feeling...and wondered if it would really ever go away.

But the second we arrived home he was absolutely fine. (Thanks, ibuprofen? the numbing wearing off? or combo?) It didn't hurt anymore, and he said he LIKED his new tooth!!!

PHEW!!!!
I could breathe again. :)
And get to work preparing some soft foods for the child to eat for lunch!

And so far, so good!!! We'll try to stay on top of the pain meds, and hope this good attitude about it all remains!! ...Especially since we need to return for a few fillings next time. :(

It's such a learning process, as a parent, to witness your child suffer. To see them experience things you cannot protect them from, as fiercely as you may try. Whether it is a root canal, a bully at school, a bad dream, adjusting to kindergarten, or feeling left out from other kids. There's only so much you can do as a mom. And it doesn't feel like it is nearly enough, when your child is in tears, from physical or emotional pain.

It causes me to question myself and wonder if I'm even close to doing this thing "right".

As one of my friends recently stated, "I just want to be a good mom ALL the time. Is that too much to ask?"
(Please, no comments about being a good mom...that's not my point.)

Motherhood matures me, as I walk the balance of "being there"--all the time--for my kids...and knowing that ultimately I'm really not "enough" and I am in need of my God to fill in for all my inadequacies. I leaned over that dentist chair holding my son's two hands with my own and trying to rub his legs with the inside of my arm, letting him know I was constantly there. Yet I was so painfully aware of what I couldn't really do--protect him from pain, or fear, or vomiting from the laughing gas. And I was forced to trust in One who could...and even if He didn't protect him from those things in that moment, would be holding both of us through it.

I'm so thankful that ultimately our experience was SO, so good.
But I am also aware of my greater need to Trust in the Lover of our Souls--and our Sons!! :)

HE showed just one aspect of His care and provision for us in a pretty miraculous way too!
After applying for medicaid (no dental insurance for E) and being denied...after trying to add him to our insurance during non-open-enrollment...after going through other non-insurance ways of finding dental discounts...after finally keeping this date in faith, and after believing God has--and would continue to--help us afford these high bills we knew were to come, we found out we could add the kids to our insurance the day after Insoo returned from Indonesia (end of open enrollment--WHO KNEW?) and it would be effective Sept 1st.

Perfect Timing? I believe so.

Now the boys sleep peacefully, and I'm going to scrounge around this house to find some Chuck-E-Cheese tokens...I think there are some around here somewhere :) We'll have a little celebration for this new tooth for our brave little boy!!!

Waiting for Morning...

2010-08-28T19:53:00.001-07:00

We have made it 17 days without Insoo.

Yes, the first day does count even though it was evening when he left.

Life without Daddy here is really hard. We've managed, though. And I think I can say I have not lost my cool...though there have been times I have had to tell myself to breathe, and "just make it through."

The boys have been showing me their differences as they grow--as they should. And I'm always glad when I see things that are, indeed, different about them because I usually tend to see their likenesses. But with Daddy being gone, their differences in dealing with that have been quite obvious.

Isaiah is 2. And it's been quite a bonding summer with Daddy. So over these days he has asked for Daddy on numerous occasions (especially while throwing up and feeling miserable, all he wanted was to "hold Daddy"...he seemed sure that would make it all go away.) He has asked "Where is Daddy?" frequently--especially after returning from our big road trip to our home...where Daddy was not. He has worked hard to remember the word "Indonesia." He reminds me quite often that the "best Daddy" is in Indonesia (gesturing and looking upwards). And on the brief and few occasions we've had to skype, Isaiah has been so excited and talkative and cannot stop kissing the computer screen :) I'm quite certain he is dreaming, now, of tomorrow morning when we will drive to the airport, he'll wait for Daddy behind the red line, and run into his arms the moment he spots him.

Elliot is now 4. I have yet to figure out 4 year olds...they are a bit more complicated than 2 year olds. He's also a first-born, very responsible, one who typically holds it together. So he's barely breathed a word of Daddy being gone. He knows he's gone, so he doesn't ask where he is. He did on one occasion of vulnerability, claim wholeheartedly to see Daddy in his black shirt waving to him from an airplane window and saying hi to him. That was the day after Insoo left, and has been all Elliot has shared of his heart-sickness. He has kept everything in. Even at the chances to skype, he's been very quiet and shy, reverting to some baby talk and strange behaviors. I suppose he doesn't even know what's going on inside. Yesterday, after our longest opportunity to skype with Insoo (and after being apart for 2 weeks) it was naptime. Elliot awoke from his nap just sobbing. SOBBING. It was the saddest sounding cry I've ever heard. I kept trying to figure out what he was crying about, but he wasn't talking at all. Just sobbing and sobbing. I played detective, wondering about bad dreams or sickness...anything hurting anywhere at all? I almost didn't want to ask because I didn't want to suggest...but finally I had to ask, "Do you miss Daddy?" And after a brief denial, he conceded...with just a nod. And shortly after that, with more hugging and holding, and assurance that Daddy WAS coming home, he stopped crying. He knows Daddy is coming home tomorrow, and I'm quite certain that though he is 4, and not 2, he will also be sprinting into Daddy's arms when he sees him at the airport.

And there's me. I cope with his absence by doing absolutely insane things, like driving with 2 small children just 7 weeks before my due date (medical records in hand) 17 hrs DRIVING TIME (which takes about 2 full days with stops) so that I can be with family, and not alone in our home without my husband. I keep myself as busy as I can so that I'm not overwhelmed with sadness or consumed with the awful thoughts of planes crashing or him being alone in a country he's never been to with people he doesn't know from Adam.

Over the course of our crazy road trip, we all got sick. Like really sick--puking sick. It was quite awful. I've asked myself if I'd do it again--if I knew that would happen. Was it worth it? And I know quite certainly that the answer is yes. I did get to see my family, that I love so dearly. I had time with a couple of dear, dear friends. I saw cousins and aunts and uncles that I adore. I had Andrea and Maria and Dad and Judy to help when I could do nothing but throw up or sleep (or take care of a puking child). There was NO throwing up in the van (though I was mighty scared on the way home!) The boys were Ah-Mazing travelers. (The last 2-3 hrs on our way home were a bit harry...but what do you expect?) I got a bit more time with my amazing nieces and nephew, which is such a treat for me. And, it kept me going at all times so that I wasn't caught up in self-pity about being alone with my boys, without Insoo. Especially at night.

So all-in-all...even with the sickness...TOTALLY worth it.

I have not a single photo to show for it since the camera has been in Indonesia.
But it's ok.
It was a trip about living life and doing the dirty-work of sickness and all, with my family that I don't see nearly enough...and it got me through a rough couple weeks. I actually survived. WE survived!

So here we are on the eve before Insoo's return.
We're SO ready! (Though I have a few more things to do around the house!)
I hope I can sleep tonight :)
I pray that there will be no plane delays...
I am so looking forward to seeing this again:
and of course this:
(But without the beautiful background. It really doesn't matter at this point.)

And tomorrow's my birthday...what a great birthday gift, right?
The best I could ask for!!!

Come home, honey! Morning can't come soon enough.

Describing Perfection

2010-08-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

Oh glorious vacation, how did we love thee?

Let me count the ways...

1. Family Togetherness

2. Time with my Sister (auntie Mel)!

3. A fabulous place to stay for a week

4. Brother Lovin'

5. Amazing Food

6. And Dessert upon Dessert (upon dessert...chalk it up to "baby" weight!)

7. The Beach

8. Water Park

9. Carriage Ride & Walks Downtown

10. Fountains!

11. And Date Night (x 2!)

What a fabulous time was had by all! We are so thankful for this time away, to rest and relax and enjoy being together. Now it's back to reality. And while it is a bit difficult to adjust back to real life...Real life is really good too. And I am thankful for that as well.

Summer Fun "Trip" 2!!

2010-07-22T21:43:00.000-07:00

Are these guys a trip, or what???

I recently had the great privilege of having all my sisters and all my nieces and my nephew here at our house for "Sisters Week 2010"...and what a TRIP it was!!! I was the lucky one who didn't have to travel away from home this time.

It was crazy and chaotic, full and FUN!!!

We had 5 adults and 6 kids under 6 in one 2-bedroom apartment! And it was worth every minute of craziness.

"Hey Guys!! Get your moms and Auntie Mel to drive you to our house in Ohio! We'll have lots of fun!"

The kids got along so well! Since my kids don't have the privilege of seeing their cousins often, it's always so important to me that the kids get along and treat each other well during the few times we do have to see one another. So when they do that, it makes our time all the more sweet!!!

We did so many fun things!

We went to the park

We got to celebrate the 4th of July together

And we celebrated Elliot's birthday a month early at "Kingdom of Bounce" since all his little cousins would be here!

We ate outside most of the time--picnic style is the way to go with so many people in a small space!

Some of the kids' favorites were popsicles, corn on the cob, and watermelon!

The kids even got story time with Auntie Mel (Isn't she the best???)

There were lots of hugs and kisses going around

And also runny noses, sippy cups, and many many germs!

But baths were shared too, so it's all a wash, right?!

My time with my sisters was absolutely priceless. Nap-times and night-times with the kids in their beds were our talk-times and game-times. (No matter that we were all running on hardly any sleep from day 1!) Insoo even let us leave the house one night after the kids were in bed, for a night on the town where we indulged in avocado rolls and cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory. MMmmmm...my mouth is watering again. We had a great time playing a funky dice game, speed scrabble, and phase 10. But my favorite moments were the times we just talked. We talked about everything from "Who would you punch in the face?" to "What attributes of Mom do we see in each other?" And it was just so good to live life together for a few days. Making meals, cleaning up, caring for kids, worshiping God, celebrating birthdays & holidays. I still hope that one day I'll live in closer proximity to at least one of my siblings. But for now, I just cherish these times together in my heart.

**For lots more photos CLICK HERE

Summer Fun (Trip One)

2010-07-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

This summer is beginning to kick my butt.

I started out so very optimistic and excited about all the things we were going to do...especially as this will be the last summer of just 2 boys. (I am a bit terrified to think of what things will look like with another little one, as I still only have 2 hands, etc. I wonder why God doesn't increase a mother's number of hands and decrease the amount of sleep she needs with each pregnancy?)

I want to make the summer count...do tons of fun stuff with the kids to keep them busy and learning and having fun and enjoying our time together. We're going to the pool, splash parks, the zoo, COSI, the park, play dates, free movies at the theater up the street, library events, & crafting together at home. We're planning to visit people and do "trips" as much as possible, since I don't know how easy it will be for the next couple years...not that it is easy now, but 2 and 3 yr olds actually do pretty well. And be sure, I am keeping written calendars which will make it into their "keepsake files" at the end of the summer to record all the fun stuff we're doing.

So here I am, after more than one full month of this, and I am absolutely TIRED.

I'm sure that being less than a week from my 3rd trimester (yikes!!!!) in this wretched heat (which normally does not bother me) is not helping things. And having a horrible itchy UGLY rash that is beginning to cover almost my whole body, causing me to wake up in the middle of the night wanting to rip off my skin and taking 3am oatmeal baths just to get back to sleep is not helping things either...but my goodness...I am pooped.

BUT!!!! Summer is here, and it IS the last summer with just my two oldest boys, and we DO have lots of fun stuff scheduled. And I'm NOT backing out. I just may need a bit more chocolate and iced coffee along the way :)

Anyway, our summer adventures have actually already begun and I'm just terribly behind in blogging about them. So here goes the first installment!

Summer Fun Trip 1--West Virginia!!!
(Just me and the kids!)

The first reason for the trip was these lovely people:
and their beautiful children...Mainly it was to have as much Heidi-time as possible, and chat as best we could while caring for all the little ones demanding attention...very difficult to do.

My dear friends are no longer 3 hours away, and I had to make one last trip out to see Heidi while it was still possible. Sadly it's been very difficult to see each other even at that "short" distance, with 5 kids and 3 driving hours between the 2 of us, but thankfully we did make it work a few times. It will be much more difficult now. But we enjoyed the time we had!!! :)

The kids played quite wonderfully together. The highlight was making mint tea after picking the mint leaves in their backyard:

And they also loved eating "corn on the cob" and trying to feed it to the babies.
(I'm so sad that Justice didn't make it into a single photo and I have no idea how in the world that happened. Sorry!!) I think the only girl in the bunch deserves her own photo though, don't you??Heidi, I'll certainly miss having you "close by"...I can't even begin to wonder when I'll see you again, but I trust it will happen. Oh--maybe for the next Chicago girl's "big" birthday shindig :)

A great 2nd bonus was seeing these lovely people:
My dear aunt and uncle are like surrogate parents for me, as they open up their home to me at any time and spoil me and my kids as much as they possibly can. Their home is always my home, and it really feels like I get pampered like I would be by my own mom! Connie always resembles mom in many ways, even though Cliff is the blood relation. She and mom were kindred spirits. And even Elliot must have sensed that because the first day we were there he mentioned something to me about "it used to be Grandma Sharon's house"...or something like that. It didn't make sense to me but he seemed to connect something about Grandma Sharon to being at Connie's house. And I just love that.

The boys got lots and lots of Bryson-time which they loved too!!!

Bryson and the boys had a BLAST in the little pool and slide in the yard
They also got to eat at Mc Donald's, where Elliot tried to figure out what in the world these video games were all aboutThey got to "meet" a rooster!

And play on a swingset.

And these are the things summer is made for.

So gear up, Ang...lots more summer fun to come.

His Ways...

2010-06-15T11:38:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a sweet gift from a friend of mine, we were able to get another ultrasound! It was one of those fancy kind (even though we still opted for 2D) where you see the baby on a big screen TV while your family (or party up to 18 people!!) watch in comfy couches. Fancy!

We had a pre-ultrasound celebration with milkshakes (to get the baby cooperating). I did actually manage to get a few sips in despite my boys drinking most of them :)
We had a post-ultrasound celebration with Indian food! (No photos but it was yummy!)

And we had a during-ultrasound celebration of another baby boy, soon to be added to our family. Elliot's response was...less than ideal, even though Insoo tried to prep him with a more appropriate response. He honestly wanted a baby sister. I have not been shy about sharing my desires for some ribbons and bows around this house, either. And I told Elliot it was OK to be a little bit sad. But by the end of the day, when we watched the DVD of our morning ultrasound, he anticipated the very moment that the baby turned "orange" (3D) and we found out it was a boy. And every time the baby's face was on the screen, Elliot and Isaiah fought over kissing him. We are using "he" regularly, now, and thanking God for another little brother to love!!! And while Elliot wasn't ready to tell the news to family on the phone yesterday, he announced to the first person we ran into today, "It's a boy!"

I believe most women long for a daughter...it's what we know...it's who we are. Just as I think most men long for sons. I know plenty of women who have all sons. And plenty of women who have all daughters. I know LOTS of people with "surprises", as life turned out a little differently than they planned. And I know some who have been blessed with just one, despite their desires for more. I know some whose arms are completely empty, as they wait for theirs to come. And far too many people who have lost babies that they've held in their arms...a pain far too difficult for words. And while my "loss" of likely never experiencing a daughter of my own seems incredibly minuscule compared to losses such as these...it is something I have to face.

But we are not in control of this life, are we? We're not in control of our children or our future. And as His People, we have to trust in His goodness. His plan. His control. And His great, great love for us.

His ways are perfect!!!

It still doesn't make complete sense to my mind in regards to the hearts longing to hold their own baby, or the hearts aching for a child they once held. So many things in this life really don't make sense. But still, "big" loss or "little" loss, we hold on to the same truth as believers. That God is still on His throne, and He makes no mistakes. Nothing gets by Him. He does have a Plan and a Purpose for our lives!!! And He somehow works everything out for good.

God has prepared me (though I have yet to "feel" empowered) to be a mom to 3 boys! I can hardly believe it. I never thought I'd be a "soccer mom" or a "football mom"...although "boy-band-mom" may have crossed my mind :) I have yet to learn how to play cars the "right" way, whereas it's so easy for Insoo to play. I'm trying to figure out what kind of behavior is to be stopped, and what kind of behavior is "Just BOY!" But for some reason, amazingly, God has chosen me to be the mom of 3 boys.

I know God has a special plan for this 3rd son of mine, that he was intended for us! This one specifically. I hold onto that, and the knowledge that His ways are so much higher than ours!! And the belief that GOOD, good things are coming to our family with the birth of this newest miracle!

I look at my boys...at Elliot and Isaiah...and my eyes fill with tears at the thought of them being any different than who they are. Or the thought of our family without either one of them. I know I will feel the same way about this new one.

And I can continue with the same scrapbooking theme...looking forward to SOOOOoooooo many more volumes of Brotherhood. Celebrating the joy, pain, laughter, tears, fights, friendship, and immense love between brothers.

God give me grace and wisdom to raise godly boys and men who will be passionate for you, and serve you with all their lives. And please, help us out with a name!!!

A Sad Goodbye...

2010-05-23T18:30:00.000-07:00

You know that James Blunt song "Goodbye my Lover"?
Tonight I'd like to dedicate that song to my long lost Saturn...

"Goodbye my ~~Lover~~ Car,
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me!"

It may sound silly but I really did love that car!

When I was single and carefree, and after way too many years of being carless, I was ready to take the plunge into the land of car ownership. My dad suggested that if it was possible, I get a brand new one! He and Mom came out to Chicago to help me purchase my very first car (that wasn't just an old beater to drive around in high school or college), my beautiful Saturn.

I'm glad I had the "new car" experience...because I am sure I never will again.
Insoo thinks maybe when we're 65, but he's a dreamer, that one.

Did I mention I put $0 down and paid 0% interest for the 5 year loan for my brand new car? Yeah that was before my credit was ruined with foreclosure. AAAaaaaaaanyway.

It was a fabulous car and I would highly recommend Saturn except that they went out of business. :(

So it was getting older, but was such a dependable car and I would have never anticipated getting rid of it--it had been so good to me over the years.

But alas, about a week ago, I was stopped at a red light. A guy ran HIS red light, crashed into another car in the intersection, started spinning, and smashed right into me.

God totally protected me and baby...baby's still moving around to let me know he or she is doing just fine.
Thank God also that Insoo and the boys were home (early morning after I had a VERY early dr apt!)

The car, however...was totaled.

The boys thought the "broken car" was hilarious. They'd laugh and point and say, "Broken Car!"

But when the day came for the tow truck to haul it away...Elliot seriously sobbed as we watched and waved from the front door. He really wants to put that "naughty" tow truck in JAIL. And he and Isaiah are making all kinds of plans, having to do with breaking it, eating it (?) and THEN putting it in jail. And if you saw their faces while they talk about it, you'd be scared!!!

Really, it was a sad moment. I'm sure Elliot's sobs contributed to my own teariness, but there I stood waving goodbye to this "car-friend" who had been very faithful to me for a long time!!

So goodbye, my dear car. You really were so good to me. It was very sad to see you go.
(We took photos but none are really worth posting, so I'll spare you.)

* * * * * * * *

On a much happier note, despite my unbelief...despite my anxiety...despite my wondering how in the world God was going to help us figure out what to do with our ONE family car being totaled, and our need for a bigger vehicle in just over 4 mos...

Despite a depleted savings account and despite our horrendously ruined credit due to our foreclosure in Chicago...HE has proven Himself faithful again and again.

We have not been in need of a car from the day of the accident (due to friends giving rides, friends loaning cars, a rental car through insurance, and more offers of loaning cars in the near future which we will most likely need to accept).

We have felt totally supported and loved and checked on by many people. And your "true friends" really show themselves when you're going through a season where you need help...don't they?!

And now through totaled-car-insurance-money, faithful family, and generous friends loaning $ and standing in the gap for us...it is looking like we are going to say a very Happy Hello to our next family "car" (anybody say minivan???) very soon!

HE truly is faithful and provides for all of our needs.
I am astonished tonight.

First Kiss

2010-05-16T12:27:00.001-07:00

Elliot has completed his first year of preschool!!!

I'm so proud of him--he has done so well...learned so much...grown and matured like crazy over the past year.

See how mature he is?

I had a feeling I might tear up during his program on Friday. I made it through the Good Morning song, 5 little monkeys, Jesus Loves Me, the Tigger song, the Firetruck song, Days of the Week, and Zip-a-dee-doo-dah. But when they got to the end:

"Good bye, Good bye, to you and you and you
Good bye, Good bye, may God watch over you"

you better believe I had to blink back those tears!!!

He's made some very sweet friends at school, and his teachers have been so wonderful. I think it was a bit emotional for him to say good bye to so many people at once. But he was able to give hugs to almost everyone. We had to chase one girl all the way down the hallway--a girl he talks about almost every day--she's been one of his favorite people at school. And he gave his teachers really sweet good-byes, and thank you's.
I was prepared for all of these things.

I was prepared for our evening celebration at COLDSTONE where we ate yummy ice cream and reminisced about the year as we looked through the book his teachers gave him, with photo highlights of the entire year!!
I've been incredibly impressed with the things the teachers have done. This was no exception! They tracked everything--all the special school days, each child's growth during these 9 mos, the name-writing progress through the school year, and so many special photos of all the kids. We had so much fun looking through the book and celebrating our oldest child's accomplishment!
I was NOT, however, prepared to start crying at Coldstone when I read the "handprints" poem on the last page of the book--especially after reading it a number of times in the past!
I also wasn't prepared for the moment at preschool when Elliot ran over to the first little girl we noticed leaving on that last day. He stood right in front of her and said, "Good bye, Lexi." She took one look at him, and like a little dutch girl figurine, bent over at the waist and puckered her lips. He promptly, like a little dutch boy figurine, bent over, puckered up and kissed her right on the lips! I didn't have my camera ready, but I certainly captured that moment in my mind! His teacher stood there with her jaw dropped to the floor and her hand covering her mouth. She assured me that had NEVER happened before. I said, "Well I guess this qualifies as Elliot's first kiss!"

You're growing up so quickly, my darling son. I am so proud of all you are, and all that you are becoming.
Congratulations on your graduation from the "Orange 3's Tiggers class"!!!

Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh...

2010-05-10T07:39:00.000-07:00

Our home is meant for...

cars & trucks
wrestling on the floor
falls & scrapes
movies like "CARS"
finding the best sticks
trains, trains and more trains
dragons in happy meals
soccer balls, footballs
baseballs and basketballs
brothers & BLUE...

Will there be a touch of...

pink and princesses
ribbons & bows
to add to the fun and joy of little boys???

Well...against our wishes...
We will have to wait until October to know for sure!

It didn't seem to matter that I drank coffee and ate M&Ms with my breakfast to get this little one to cooperate.
This baby wanted to remain mysterious and didn't move his or her legs for us to see.

So today...our JOY is from the thankfulness we feel that everything is looking great with this new life inside me.

It will be a very different experience for us to wait until the birth to know if we have a son or a daughter. I was also really looking forward to either affirming Elliot's intuitions of a little sister, or giving him time to adjust to the idea of another brother. And even though, for days he has been saying we are going to see the baby and find out if it's a boy or a girl... he doesn't seem as crushed as Insoo and I were, to not find out. I am trying to be positive about it and talk about how fun it will be to find out on the day of the birth!! And it will be, if there are no more ultrasounds before then.

Also, we'll be forced to come up with a girl name (easy) AND a boy name (not so easy). And we'll have to bring a boy and girl outfit to the hospital with us! This is going to be so strange!

Maybe God is trying to teach me something through this...that pink or blue...this baby is a precious gift. Of course I know that in my head. But maybe he wants it to really penetrate my heart.

So baby boy, or baby girl...I love you!!! I can't wait to meet you!!! I am so incredibly thankful that you are looking healthy, and I will cherish this time of you growing inside me. And the day I see your face and hold you in my arms, I'll be so in love with you, it really won't matter if you are a son or a daughter.

He's Two!!

2010-05-06T11:22:00.000-07:00

Here are some highlights of my beautiful boy's special day:

Isaiah got to choose where to go to lunch with our family today, since this was the meal we'd all eat together. When I asked a few days ago if he'd like McDonalds or Chick-Fil-A, he said, "Chipotle!" To our great delight, this was added to the selections. I knew he loved Chipotle but I thought he'd change his mind when it came down to it. All morning I kept asking him, to be sure I wasn't just hearing what I wanted to hear! I changed the order of the options, I asked two at a time and then three at a time, and all morning long he said "Chipotle"! Yesssssssss! That's our boy!
All he's been asking for is "Buzz and Woody" so...after Isaiah bought Woody with Papa's Easter money, Elliot got Isaiah Buzz for his birthday. Elliot has been SOOOoooo excited to give it to him, and has been really bad at keeping a secret so it was no surprise at all. But Isaiah loves it nonetheless.
I think what he loves most is having a "playmate" for Woody. He was so delighted to come home and reunite Woody and his long lost Buzz.The thing is, birthdays for other people are hard for 3 year old brothers. Elliot was so incredibly excited to give him Buzz, partly because he was excited to play with him too. Of course. So the afternoon was full of fighting and trying to explain why Isaiah didn't want to share...just yet. But I was so proud of Isaiah tonight, when he agreed to let Elliot SLEEP with BUZZ!!! Now that is sweet. And Elliot is so thrilled.

Our gift to Isaiah was a Toy Story T-shirt, which I ordered online (not realizing how incredibly huge size 2/3 and 4 would be on them!) I had to get 2 because A) there was a sale if you got 2 and B) how could I not get one for Elliot too? In my mind, this was going to solve all the problems of Elliot not getting presents, and his birthday being THREE LOOOOONG months away for a boy who has birthday on the brain! I should have known that a TOY would have been a better choice than a shirt. Silly Mommy. I have so much to learn.
Enter: Lifesaver KOMO!!! Komo sent enough gifts to keep these boys happy for months! :) And all the things they love. She's obviously been paying close attention to the details of this blog and picked out pretty much every favorite thing of both of theirs :)Isaiah recieved an adorable pillowcase made by my talented and creative sister AND the coveted Buzz and Woody underwear, since we are headed down the potty training road!! Now, maybe I can get him to kiss his own underwear instead of his brother's.AND...with Papa and Judy's birthday money he got today, we are going to buy:

Isaiah talked on the phone all day with almost every member of the extended family! (Or at least listened to voice mail messages!)

He got to blow out his candle, after almost getting burned, and eat some yummy chocolate cake which Elliot proudly helped me make!
And to top it off, our sweet little neighbor girl stopped by at the end of the day to bring over a card she made. She is one of the boys' FAVORITE people ever, so Isaiah and Elliot were just thrilled to end the day with her. She is one of the greatest little girls I know.
Isaiah, I can't believe how you've grown. Your personality is so amazing to me, and I just love to see you developing into your own little self. You are such an important part of our family--we would never be complete without you! You make us laugh and you make our hearts grow with love for you every single day. The "two's" may be a bit trying for you and me...but know that I love you like crazy and that will never ever change.

My Baby For Now

2010-04-26T13:01:00.001-07:00

This little guy...my "baby" as I call him for the time being...is almost 2. And it shows. Boy oh boy, can this kid be feisty.

Of course he can still be the sweetest thing eh-ver. When he gets in trouble he just loves to wrap his chubby arms around my neck and look lovingly at me...kissing me...rubbing his nose up to me...batting his little eyes as I try to yell at him or explain why he was in time out. What a little player!
But he's trying his hand at not listening, and getting very good at it. He is in time-out a lot lately.

Today, from time-out he said in a sing-songy voice: "I'm done sinning."

Later (after another time-out) we talked about it and I said, "What do you say?"
He said, "Sorry, God. Sorry, Mommy."
Then in a "gruff" voice...supposedly resembling...God???
"Sorry, God. --I forgive you."

On the bright side...he has begun to potty train himself! I tried not to get my hopes up, but now he regularly tells me when he needs to "go potty" (even though he means the other number) and he holds it until we get there. I rarely change a poopy diaper anymore. So now I DO have my hopes up...by October just one new bottom to begin diapering??? (please?!)
Oh and another sweet side--today he was asking about my painted toenails (a rarity). I told him they were my toenails and he said, "beautiful."

How I love you, my "baby"...my almost-2-year-old sinner and saint. :)

The In-Law Chronicles

2010-04-22T00:49:00.000-07:00

This week we had the great privilege of having both of Insoo's parents here for a few days. They are beautiful people with such generous spirits and great love. Their trip was short and sweet and Elliot's been saying that they were not here long enough. But we're thankful for our time with them. I'm so aware of making our moments count--as much as we can--because we just never know how much time we have with our parents.
At one slight lapse of judgment in preparing for their arrival, I thought I'd motivate myself to clean by pretending I was cleaning the house in preparation for my own mom to arrive. Since it only took a split second to feel an onslaught of tears, I quickly realized that would not do any good. :) And while that ache and desire for her to have a turn to visit will never go away, it does cause me to appreciate Dad and Judy and Insoo's parents so much more.

Our time with them was precious. We packed it with a morning at the zoo...

walks around the block

trips to the playground, and opportunities for the boys to show off their bike riding and scooting abilities.

We ate like kings and queens. "Halmonee" (Grandma) made enough food to feed an army, and somehow we managed to eat all of it. It was everything I've been craving in this stage of pregnancy, and boy did I take advantage of having it all right there. I'm pretty sure the baby doubled in size over these past few days. It works out pretty sweet that her love language is cooking, and I think my receiving-love-language is not having to cook :)

I thought the boys ate fabulously too, and are really learning to love Korean food. They have different preferences though--Elliot's are much more like Insoo's, loving kalbee (beef) and rice and duk bo kee. Isaiah's are more like mine as his favorites are chap cheh (a noodle dish) and the pancake thingies, and kim bap (California rolls). The funniest thing is that even Isaiah, at this young age of "almost 2", learned how to please Halmonee--by eating everything in front of you and telling her "Mashisoyo (delicious)" and "Thank you, Halmonee" with every other bite. Oh, he had her wrapped around his finger.

I love my mother-in-law dearly and always will...but there are some things about her that will always make me laugh. She insists on using the dishwasher ONLY as a drying rack for the dishes she has hand-washed. And even with fresh, clean bath towels laid out for them she prefers to use my used/dirty bath towel. She wastes absolutely nothing, so if I want to clean up used paper towels or saran wrap, I have to sneak around and do it quickly when she's not looking :) Out of great love for us she insists on buying us unnecessary kitchen electrical appliances, enormous serving bowls and the like, no matter that they don't actually fit in my cupboards. And with every trip she manages to discard more of my "yucky" tupperware...I suppose that is what actually forces me to get new stuff because I'm too cheap, otherwise. And it never fails...after every visit, I preheat my oven only to open it up and find my frying pan in there...one of these days the rubber handle will actually melt into a puddle on the oven floor.

The boys' highlight of their time with their grandparents was most certainly the trip to Barnes & Noble. There, for $10 each, they got magnificent board book/play mat/12 figurine combos which made them feel like the luckiest boys in the world. Isaiah picked "Toy Story" and Elliot picked "Cars"...both of their obsessions as of late. And from that moment, there has hardly been a second where they are not playing with those little things. Elliot would go to bed asking, "Can I play with my cars when I wake up in the morning?" They were absolutely thrilled, jumping up and down, giddy with excitement over these purchases. Oh, the joy of a child. It was a fun thing for the grandparents to get to witness.

While it's certainly difficult to be away from family, little visits like these make such a difference!

My most tender moment was that first day they arrived...we all picked them up from the airport (which is a sight to see...crammed into our little car on the way back...both parents squeezed in the front passenger's seat as we prayed not to get pulled over), had some dinner at home, and some park-playing time. Then as I was getting the boys ready for baths & bed, Insoo took his mom to the grocery store for all the cooking that was about to ensue. The boys were still getting ready for bed when they returned, and when Elliot heard the door, he could hardly contain his enthusiasm. Full of excitement and with a huge smile on his face, he said to me, "Do you want to see your mom?" I couldn't resist that energy and passion exuding from him--it held me strong as I paused, searching my mind for the best response. Finally I simply said, "Yes."

j o y f u l

2010-04-07T11:35:00.001-07:00

I have so many reasons to be full of joy. I believe that we always do, if we can choose to see them...but lately they are right in front of me. So I thought I'd share...

Resurrection Sunday!

Is there a more joyful day than this?? I don't think so.

The celebration of our Lord conquering death, saving us from our sins, and promising the hope of the resurrection of the body is so astounding.

Hearing my boys say, "Christ is Risen!" throughout the day was definitely a highlight.

And getting all dressed up is fun too, even if you don't know how to do your hair and it takes you a half an hour to figure out what to wear and you have a fight or two getting your eldest son to cooperate.

Another gift from God this week was the presence of our dear friend Hannah. She's the kind of person who can come at the last minute and it's not stressful in the least. The kind of friend who's more like family, and you don't even feel like you have to clean your house for them. You can even be sick while they're here (like I was...) and it's no big deal. She loves my kids so much and although she had already sent them an Easter package, came with egg coloring supplies and candy galore (and light-up toothbrushes too.) A mom feels so loved when her friends love on her kids.

For me, having someone "extra" here for a holiday is what really makes it special. Since we rarely get to celebrate holidays with our families, aside from Christmas, it is all the more touching when friends or family come to us! I've been so blessed, I believe we've had a friend here each Easter. Having someone so dearly loved arrive for the Easter weekend was such a great end to a rough week fighting a stomach bug!!

And the boys got a great kick out of coloring eggs with Hannah--I mean, who better to do this with than the queen of color herself??

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of good old friends. And thank you, Hannah, for all the ways you made our weekend perfect.

The weather has been gorgeous lately, and that's raised my spirits a lot! Columbus winters may be more mild than other places but we certainly don't see the sun very often. And that can do a number on you! But I can honestly say that lately the weather has been perfect...what a blessing it truly is! THANK YOU!!!

And there's one more thing I'm very joyful about lately...I'll just let this photo of the boys in one of their Easter basket treasures speak for itself:
OK people, I know you want to--you have permission. Scroll back up to the top and take a look at that belly of mine. It's hiding a bit behind my scarf but it's there alright!! :) Baby is due around 10/10/10! (explanation--actual due date is the 13th but baby measured 3 days ahead at first ultrasound, and isn't 10/10/10 way more fun??)

We've been a bit slower in spreading the news after we miscarried in November of last year. But I've just entered the 2nd trimester and I am finally starting to feel better...it's been one thing after another this time!

We get to find out the gender in 5 weeks, and we'll see if Elliot has been right all along...he is convinced he will get a sister...we'd all be thrilled, of course. But another delightful little boy may be in The Plan...we shall see.

FULL of joy, I tell you.

Searching for Contentment

2010-03-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

These days I am constantly bombarded with "Mommy, can I get this?...And this?...And thisAndthisAndthis?"

Certainly it happens while we're shopping--whether it's the grocery store or Target--items everywhere compete for my 3 year old's eye, calling out to him "You NEED Me!" But even at home, reading books or playing with toys he already has, the question arises all...day...long.

It doesn't usually come in the form of a whine, or a demand, just an honest question. This open revealing of our human nature, always wanting more. Usually I try to brush it off and say, "Maybe someday." Or..."Yes, we can reserve that book (or DVD) at the library." Or, "Maybe when you turn 4 you can get that for your birthday." Now he has started making lists of what he wants when he's 4...and 5...and 6...and 7...

But lately the question has been hitting a raw nerve. So I started telling him, "Elliot...God really wants us to be thankful for what we have. Some kids don't have toys. You have a lot of toys at home, and He loves it when you're thankful for those."

I'm not sure if the concept is sinking in yet...I think it might take some time...

And then the other day it hit me like a ton of bricks...that "raw nerve" it hit in me was the mirror I saw. And right in front of me I recognized my own glutenous desires for "more" reflected perfectly in my son.

It hasn't come in the typical materialistic way, racking up debt at the mall...instead, it's been a view of life through a self-pitying lense. Seeing what others have, that I don't...whether it is a house, or a minivan, or new clothes, or a babysitter, or family nearby, support, relationships, a haircut, you name it. And while I may not "ask" anyone for it, I internally whine about it and complain about what I can't have. It's the exact same thing as my 3 year old, not being content or thankful for what I do have. And it's like a plague...these thoughts of "more" become all-consuming...I lose my joy...I pity myself...I get envious and jealous of others...it turns me into a person I do not want to be.

Some desires may be legitimate...some may be needs...but then I need to honestly take them to my Father. To sincerely ask, instead of internally complain or feel sorry for myself.

So...I finally did that the other day...through many tears. And I am reminded again, to trust Him. To know that He knows our needs--every single one of them. He also loves to give good gifts to His children. But like I tell Elliot, He really loves it when we're thankful.

I want so desperately to say with Paul: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Phil 4:12)

I'm probably a lot like my 3 year old...so it might take some time...but I do want to learn.

Father please teach me, and help me to be a good teacher to my son.

**On a different note, if you love my hubby's preaching as much as I do, check out his recent sermon! I'm so proud of him.

For Uncle Jo-Jo

2010-03-02T08:44:00.000-08:00

Since my brother asked, and since I've been slackin' on the blog lately (with sick kids and a sick self), here's some fun videos (from January) I think you'll especially like, Joel.

*Joel, I tried to put this up on the very day you asked--two weeks ago!! But Blogger gives me problems with videos, so I had to resort to youtube. Anyway, wanted you to know that I really tried (for two weeks!) because it meant so much that you cared! :)

First, Isaiah reading "PolkaBats"

And now, Elliot reading "Kansas City Octopus"

Translation:
Kansas City Octopus is wearing fancy slacks
Bell-bottom, just got 'em, 50 bucks including tax
Red corduroy and boy-oh-boy, they fit like apple pie
Multi-pocket snazzy trousers custom made for octopi
Fantastic plastic stretch elastic keeps 'em nice and tight
Kansas City Octopus is lookin' good tonight!

**Thanks, dear Hannita, for the very fun poetry book!!!

Early Valentine's Day

2010-02-08T10:53:00.000-08:00

Last night Elliot said the sweetest thing to me.

It was bedtime and in the midst of regular bedtime routines, in the bathroom, just me and him, he looked into my eyes with his big brown ones...put his fingertips up to my cheek and said, "Mommy, do you know what you are right now?"

"What?" I asked...a little suspiciously...

"You are beautiful, right now."

Yeah, I pretty much melted into a puddle on the bathroom floor.

And for the record, I was not in the least bit, nor was I anywhere close to the vacinity of "beuatiful". But I suppose 3 year olds see beauty a little differently than we tend to. I consider it the best Valentine's Day gift he could give me.

Happy Valentine's Day a little early.

Birthdays!

2010-02-05T11:37:00.000-08:00

First, it's the pinkadink's 1st birthday this weekend!!! Visit by clicking on the cute pink button on the left side of this page for great deals and cute, cute stuff :) You will not be sorry!!

Second...a beloved "baby" girl I know is turning one next week...wishing we could be there to celebrate with you, Hazel Faye.

And third, My Elliot is 3 1/2 today!

Usually we don't make a big deal out of half-birthdays, but since he's a summer birthday, they celebrate his half-birthday at preschool. He got to wear a crown, and be sung to, and he even got a present! So, we have made a big deal out of it too, eating chocolate cupcakes for dessert.

Just a little update on who he is at 3 1/2...

His favorite color is RED. Hands down.

Backyardigans have defeated The Wiggles for first place in his heart right now.

He is getting very good at writing his name!

His favorite animal is the elephant, and has been for the past 2 years.

He calls the place where we see $1 movies and eat popcorn the "theeAYEter"--we have no idea where this came from, but we love it and follow suit.

For a long time he has called the place where we check out books and DVD's the "luhbrahRAY"...sadly...now that he is 3 1/2 he's starting to say it the right way.

And the best one yet...His Favorite Shape:
Today when I picked him up from school, his teacher said she had to tell me something. The children were asked to pick their favorite shapes from different ones painted on the wall. Elliot was the only one who chose the cross. She thought it was sweet and wanted me to know.

I wasn't surprised--on our drive to school this morning, he pointed out a cross and asked every member of the family if we saw it. Then he said, "Guess how much I love the cross and Jesus?" and proceeded to stretch out his arms as far as he could.

Dear Lord,
My growing boy will change so much in his lifetime. His preferences will change probably daily. His vocabulary will become more correct. And he may not always want to be the only one to choose something he loves. Please, God, keep his love for the cross of Christ pure and passionate.
Amen.

Bedtime Prayers

2010-01-21T12:17:00.000-08:00

The Little Things...like Meatless Monday

2010-01-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

I won't lie...it's been a season of feeling icky, and blue, and a time when all the blogs I read tend to scream, "Loser!" at me because my life doesn't look like theirs. I get it...you want to post the good stuff--I do too. But sometimes I want to say...don't you EVER have a bad hair day? And don't any of your seven perfect kids ever have a bad hair day either???

I know it's probably a combination of many things...the gray weather...the tiredness of a mommy who goes to bed too late and doesn't wake up early enough...the hormones...the stress...the mundane...the regular life of a mom. But it's one of those times where things don't feel like they're going so right.

SO...when there's a bright spot, you hold onto it, I say! That's why I will tell you about our Meatless Monday!

First off, I have to admit I stole this idea from my friend Emily a year ago and she doesn't even know. Thanks for the idea, Em :)

Secondly, you have to know that at the beginning of December I put out a public plea on facebook for any and all tips on making it through my most loathsome time of day: Dinner. I received 16 comments and had various discussions with other moms. I cannot tell you exactly what happened, or any well thought out plans, but suddenly things changed. I do know that Insoo and I changed our attitude a little. (As he says, "we gave up".) It didn't feel to me like giving up, but like more of a letting go. I did not want to despise the time of day that we were all together for a meal (that I slaved over), with our time reeking with tension and the only words from our mouths being, "Take a bite, Elliot. Eat your food, Isaiah". That's what it had become. So we backed off a little...if for nothing else than my own sanity.

And then...miracle of miracles...they started eating! I mean, eating MUCH much better than before.

And Elliot started complimenting me at every single meal! "Mmmmmm, what's that smell?"..."Mommy, this is really yummy for me!"..."Mommy, you make the best..____...ever!" Seriously...it was like someone paid him to say these things because I was ready to lose it!

So I stole the Meatless Monday idea from my friend as an attempt to...well...ultimately lose weight I guess. Or at least focus on building a repertoire of meatless meals that we like! But this past week it was like an internal contest to see how many healthy foods I could get my kids to eat.

If you are in need of any ideas, feel free to steal :)

Breakfast was spinach pancakes (and I mean, chalk full of spinach!)
and Elliot asked for carrots and celery (thank you, Wonder Pets.)

I knew he wouldn't like the celery--he's asked before and not liked it--but I have made a commitment to let him try whatever he asks for--if it is good for him!
Since that morning he has requested celery (with peanut butter) at almost every single meal!

So lunch was more carrots, more celery with peanut butter, snap peas, tomato and red pepper soup (LOVE!) and...don't judge...macaroni and cheese.

dinner was edamame (soybeans...one of the few veggies my children beg for more of!)
and pasta with olive oil and garlic and salt and green beans and garlic bread on the side.

And I know there were mandarin oranges thrown in there (Isaiah LOVES "Cuties") and applesauce and apple slices. And we must have had chocolates for dessert.

It made me think, Hey! Maybe things aren't so bad after all.

So...if you're at all like me...hang in there--through food trials, and gray days, and keep trying to appreciate the little things.

Freezing in Florida

2010-01-17T20:31:00.000-08:00

So every year we have a great excuse to get out of the cold winter weather and soak up some sun in the warmth of Miami, Florida--the greatest excuse of all, really...FAMILY!

This year, though, things were a bit different when we arrived. You see...brilliant me...instead of listening to the weather report, I thought Florida would certainly feel warm to us...so I very stupidly packed shorts, tank tops, t-shirts, and sandals. At the last minute I threw in a pair of jeans and long sleeve shirts for everyone.

Guess what we wore the entire time we were down there? Yeah. Glad I threw those in. Oh, and we had our sweatshirts from the plane, and a passed-down jacket for me...so they came in handy. I suppose the weather was actually warmer than it was in Ohio...but it sure didn't feel like it.

The last day we were there, I kid you not, we layered up in our warmest clothes as we spent the day with Halmonee (Grandma). She never needs heat, so she doesn't have it, and her house...was...seriously...fah...reezing. She pulled out her electric-blanket-type mat for us all to sit on...or lay on...getting as much of our bodies as possible onto the heat. Then we put comforters over ourselves and we breathed into our hands to try to feel our fingers. We drank the hottest tea and filled our stomachs with the spiciest soup, trying desperately to stay warm. I just couldn't believe this was taking place in Miami, Florida. It was the strangest thing.

I suppose it made coming back a little easier.

And at least we did get what we were going for...Family.

If you're interested in seeing a few photos, click here! But there certainly won't be any beach photos...or any outside for that matter. Hopefully next time.

A Special Christmas

2010-01-02T17:26:00.000-08:00

We expect Christmas of 2009 to be the last one at "the house". Mom's house. The house that is "home" for me even though I did not grow up there. It is the place that resembles her most because it is what she always wanted. It looks like her, smells like her, and feels like her. It's where she was most herself. And the place where, with her family surrounding her, she passed from this life into glory. That is the house that will always be etched into my heart as home.

Because of this, it was all the more important to me to make it HOME for Christmas.

I was pretty certain it would not happen, when I heard about the horrendous snow storm coming. We had decided (b/c of last year's experience) that we could not make the trip if the weather was looking bad. So when Insoo called to tell me that at the very last minute, he had actually taken one extra day off, due to my rambling and pleading voice mail message begging him--could we please, possibly, maybe, by any chance leave town one day early to beat the snow storm, tears streamed down my face. We would be making it home for Christmas.

Then followed a roller coaster of emotions when it looked like Joel and the Hydeens would NOT be making it home! But in the end, due to determination, brave people, slow driving, and God's protection, we were all together--Dad and Judy, us 5 kids and our families and 2 dogs, to celebrate Christmas in that place, probably for the last time.

And, for me, everything was perfect. I tried to savor every moment. I didn't get as many photos or videos as I had hoped, but I got enough. I felt like I found the balance between wanting to document, and just enjoying.

I really want to share the little details here, but it would be a really long post in this format. So if you would, please see the photos & captions on my picasa Christmas Abum.

Because it may look similar to Christmases past...but it really was a special one.

When in Rome...

2009-12-31T21:24:00.001-08:00

or as the case may be...Columbus...

Go Bucks!

i know...can you even believe I remembered they are playing?? :)

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-21T20:24:00.000-08:00

Frantically leaving town a day early to beat the storm, we will be home for Christmas.

We wish you and all of yours a very Merry Christmas celebrating the Christ!

Worshiping Wednesday

2009-12-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

It's The Most Wonderful Time...

2009-12-03T11:26:00.000-08:00

I'm sure that you, like us, have internally moved from the Thanksgiving season into the Christmas season. It used to bother me when I'd hear Christmas music or see decorations before Thanksgiving--as if Thanksgiving was being overlooked or minimized. But in the past few years I've come to embrace these holidays more as a pair. I see Thanksgiving actually being added to, and beautified, as we turn on the music, and look again toward the birth of Jesus.

So amidst the Christmas spirit, if you want to read or hear a fabulous Thanksgiving sermon by my dear husband, click here. If I may brag, it is really great. I know you won't be sorry if you take the time to listen.

Once he was done preaching 3 services, I cracked the whip and we got going on our Christmas decorating. Sorry honey, no down time for you. :)

Elliot was asking for days when we could put up the tree

And he was thrilled to help when the time was finally here

Isaiah really loves the "football" ornament

And his favorite by far, the s'more playing guitar

Elliot also couldn't wait to put up the "balls" on the lights
(which was his favorite part of the decorations last year)

And then a package came with gifts from "Komo" (Insoo's sister in NY)! The expressions on the boys' faces are priceless. Thank you, Komo, for the wonderful gifts!

let the opening begin!! BOOKS!

a kaleidoscope!

and a candybar!

"i'm not sure what this is but it must be good!"

Pocket Pro figurines!

and...

wait for it...

AHHH! Legos!

And, in true Elliot form...the first Lego Creation...
a representation of The Wiggles
(with some substitution since there is no purple color)

What a fun way to kick off this season. May we all celebrate this time of Advent, and may celebrating Christ truly be the most wonderful time of the year.

With Thanks

2009-11-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

a few things I am thankful for...

little boy hugs

this man of mine

family time

time-out corners

moments of peace

joy beyond measure

and smiles amidst tears

this is just a drop in the bucket
help me to choose gratitude every day

The Man at Dunkin' Donuts

2009-11-20T10:58:00.001-08:00

It's been quite a full few weeks since I updated last. Full of many wonderful things, and some hard things, the way life goes for all of us.

I've had the opportunity to visit with some sweet friends who have been going through excruciating pain.

Our family has reconnected with a dear high school girl, whom we absolutely adore, when I had feared we would never see her again.

I've laughed and cried. I've been filled up and empty. I've found and lost.

Life is so full of ups and downs, isn't it?

I could get all heavy on you right about now, but instead I want to share a little story.

I am a Dunkin' Donuts fanatic. For the coffee, that is; I could take or leave the donuts. This week, the DD near our home is celebrating 1 year since it's grand opening (which we were, of course, thrilled about!) and so there are all kinds of sales going on. Makes for a pretty good week at our house.

Since I am a sucker for a deal, I didn't think twice about getting up at 5:20 this morning to be one of the first 100 customers so that I could get a DD gift card (of unknown value). And when I lamented to Insoo about having to do it again in a couple days to get a free travel mug with free coffee for 2 weeks, he actually suggested I not do it. Are you Kidding Me??? You better believe I'll wake up at 4AM if I have to.

Anyway...I leave home with a coat over my "sleeping clothes"...I smell like ben gay because of incredible back pain the day before...I take no time to brush my teeth (I know. sorry.) I am set only on the goal of making it to DD to get my gift card and get back home, possibly with enough time to sleep some more.

I get there and see a handful of people--crazier than me--standing at the door. I take note of the man who is first in line. I decide I can wait in my warm car until it's closer to 6. I listen to NPR until I see a few more cars pull up, and decide to go hold my place in line.

I am not much for chit-chat, and like I said, I hadn't brush my teeth, so I don't really engage in conversation with the woman in front of me who may have tried. I politely smile and nod and groggily waited for them to open the door.

By 6:00 I would say there are 10 of us waiting at the door, and a line of about 7 cars at the drive-through. And then we hear, "Good Morning, how can I help you?" AT THE DRIVE THROUGH! What??? You have got to be Kidding me!! You are going to help the cars in the drive through before opening the door for customers standing outside in the COLD? (OK, it wasn't that cold, but still!)

And since this is Columbus, not Chicago, those of us in line silently acknowledged this absurdity with muffled laughs and shifting feet rather than breaking in or pulling out a gun.

But here's where I was impressed...Man #1 in line...I don't know how long he had been there. Probably a long time. He didn't even seem upset. He just moved around trying to see inside, and gently knocked with one knuckle on the window. A minute later someone opened the door (after the 2nd car was already helped.)

We got inside, and the place started filling with people. After a few minutes Man #1 had received his order. He placed it on the "shelf" of his walker-thing. Oh, did I mention he was disabled? And he started making his way, very slowly, to the door. Those of us waiting parted like the Red Sea to clear a path for him to get out. I think our smiling faces probably resembled something like applause, and at the door he proudly announced, "First Customer".

Yeah.
I was impressed.
And humbled.

Best & Worst of GSD & Fall Family Visit

2009-10-28T12:00:00.001-07:00

The kids and I returned home Tuesday night after an eventful week away, visiting my family and celebrating the 2nd annual "Grandma Sharon Days" (GSD) There's sooo much to share, I am sure I'll miss some things, so I thought I'd at least cover the highlights (and low-lights).

* * *

BEST:
Bragging about how well my boys did on both plane rides to Omaha. They are such great travelers. Usually.

WORST:
Dragging my SCREAMING 3 yr old onto the plane in Chicago on the trip back. I was quite the sorry sight...backpack on my back, wearing Isaiah in front (way too big to be worn now), hoisting Elliot up with kicking feet/snotty nose/crying & screaming as he smashed into Isaiah causing him to cry too. I did not make eye contact with anyone on that packed plane as I carried us all to the back, my "over-sized load" bumping into almost every seat as I tried to get as far away from everyone as I could, embarrassed and very upset with my eldest, exhausted child.

* * *

BEST:
Judy's additions to "Grandma Sharon Days"...her presence in our family...her love and thoughtfulness and care made the weekend so special for all of us. It was wonderful to have the weekend together, with her alongside of us bringing joy to the whole family. Dad's house was spotless and ready, candles made the home smell like "mom", T-shirts for all of us 5 siblings hung on the doors, and lots of toys awaited the 6 grandchildren in the largest playroom ever. She even spoiled us with pink reusable grocery bags and pink light-up ducks--a hit for the kids!

WORST:
Missing mom so much it hurts; the sadness that will never go away.

* * *

BEST:
Our perfect, angelic children getting along splendidly! Laughing, playing, sharing toys, using their words, loving one another, bathing together (5 kids in the bath!) giggling their heads off in the back of the van, reading together, being the best of cousins!

WORST:
Our perfect children snatched up and replaced with whining, crying, fighting, teasing, toy stealing, non-sharing, unkind children...acting like the worst of cousins. (We don't take photos in these moments. La'son would tell me I should.)

* * *

BEST:
Our lovely evening at Stone Park with the whole family (minus Insoo, boo). Perfect weather, a hike up the hill, great fire, roasting hot dogs, eating s'mores, family bonding, and taking pictures!

WORST:
"Crabby Ang" escaping in the stress of getting ready to go to Stone Park, worrying that I didn't bring the right clothing for the kids, and threatening..."I am NOT going to sit out there in the freezing cold and have my kids get sick if they're not warm enough. It is not worth it. I WILL go to the car if it is too cold." Oh geez. All that freaking out for nothing. How embarrassing. Good thing families still love us through our freak-outs, right?

* * *

BEST:
Grandkids releasing pink balloons into the air for mom at the top of "our" hill at Stone Park. (Judy's great idea!) We told them we were sending them up to heaven, for Grandma Sharon to catch from all her grandchildren.

WORST:
The tears that ensued when they let their balloons go. They must not have believed our nice idea nor understood the sentimentality. Who can blame them? It was a really pretty addition to GSD this year, though.

* * *

BEST:
Seeing Darlene, Kris, Karen & Terry, and Barb, Jim & Jamie who made a point to come and see us at Dad's! Thanks, you guys. It really meant a lot to me.

WORST:
Not getting to see my cousin Gina or her adorable new twin baby girls. Another time, I suppose.

* * *
BEST:
Adoring my beautiful niece Hazel, who's growing up way too quickly!

WORST:
Not having nearly enough time to hold her & play with her in the midst of single-parenting my crazy boys!

* * *
BEST:
Staying at Andrea's in Omaha, reminiscing over coffee, 'hot chocolate coffee', and having extra talk-time with her! I especially loved the little things, like getting to see her pink-a-dink stuff, and seeing her in action as a mom, wife, babysitter, aunt, and business woman! The girl is incredible.

WORST:
Invading on her limited space with myself and my hoodlums, wreaking havoc on any structure and space she normally has!

* * *

BEST:
Celebrating Josiah turning 3!!

WORST:
More balloon tears when they popped for no apparent reason...

* * *

BEST:
Having dinner with Mel and getting to see her new home! And Isaiah saying "I LIKE IT!" after every bite of his mac & cheese she made for the boys.

WORST:
The fact that I hardly ever get to do that. Once a year seems to be tops at this distance. I really don't like that.

* * *

BEST:
Seeing my only brother and watching him bond with Isaiah at Stone Park with lots of chasing and giggles!

WORST:
Our visits being too few and far between...next time Joel will have to start all over with Isaiah. Or maybe not. Christmas isn't so far away.

* * *

BEST:
The two mornings that my kids slept until 9AM, miraculously.

WORST:
The many nights that Elliot was so incredibly homesick, pleading with me to take him home. Through his sobs, he frantically begged: "Please take me home. PLEASE. I want to go home. PLEEEEASE!" Usually it happened at bedtime. Once it happened at 3am and he didn't go back to sleep until about 6. It was terrible. And it broke my heart. He missed his Daddy and his Home.

* * *

BEST:
Playing games with my siblings.

WORST:
losing

* * *

AND BEST OF ALL:
Arriving home, at the Columbus airport...Elliot spotting Insoo and taking off sprinting as fast as his little feet could run (dropping his Thomas bag behind him) into Daddy's arms! (Isaiah probably would have too, if he weren't strapped into the stroller.)

* * *

It was a great week away, full of loving family and celebrating mom. I was so glad for the time with Dad and Judy, my siblings, and my nieces and nephew. We had a good time visiting mom's grave together, making caramel corn ("shaking it like Grandma Sharon"), eating special treats that she loved, reading her favorite books, and "The Grandma Sharon Story", a little story I wrote and Andrea illustrated. It really felt like we're starting to heal as a family after our incredible loss three years ago.

But it is also good to be back home. We missed Insoo terribly, and I do not recommend single-parenting--it is way too hard. But I came home to a wonderful treat--the arms of the man I love, and...get this...a Clean House! Insoo cleaned the whole house while I was away...I don't think I've ever seen it look this good. Yes, he deserves an award! I think he might have missed us a little bit too.

Lions and Tiggers and Turtles, Oh My!

2009-10-20T12:25:00.001-07:00

We were blessed with another fun-filled weekend with friends! The Emericks came for the weekend, and we got to spend lots of time with the little lion, sweet baby Quinn.

While Meredith photographed a wedding, we took Tyler and the little lion to the zoo with us for "Boo at the Zoo". We kept promising Elliot there would be candy, but we could hardly find any in the whole place. I suppose it's for the better, it was just strange how we had to search high and low for a little piece of candy which ended up to be a choking hazard so he couldn't even eat it anyway. Good thing the Harvest Bash is coming soon! More costumes and candy to come.

Again I'm reminded of the gift of friendship, as we talked and ate and got to know each other's kiddos a little more. Thanks, friends, for staying with us! We really loved the opportunity to see you guys.

And since I know you're all dying for more photos of the costumed kids, I shall appease.
And now, we're off to visit my family for a week! Cousin-time will be even more fun this year, since they're a little older. And our 2nd Annual "Grandma Sharon Days" will be even bigger and better, I am sure!

The Great Surprise

2009-10-12T12:03:00.001-07:00

We had such a wonderful time with very good friends this past weekend! I knew that the Boehmers, a family of 5, would be braving a long trip in the car with their 3 children way under 3, and I was already amazed at that. (That kind of friendship deserves some sort of an award!)

But I had no idea our newly married friends (the Baileys) were coming to surprise me as well, all the way from Chicago!! I was shocked and amazed and excited to have even more people we love under one roof.

If you have been to our home, I know what you are wondering...where in the world did everyone sleep? Well...the answer is...The Boehmers didn't really--5 people squished into one basement room doesn't allow for much sleep to be had. And the Baileys managed some, I think, amidst 5 crying children spread out below and above their heads.

But we talked and played and ate together, even if not much sleeping took place. And I am always reminded of the blessing of good friends who can pick up right where they left off...or maybe not where they left off, but in fact right where they are today. No jumping necessary. You reconnect in the here and now, even when it is very different from where you left off! You love each other the same...you embrace new family members...you rejoice with the joys and you suffer with the difficulties. These are really good friends to have. And I feel so very blessed.

The only photos I got were apple picking, and I'm especially sad that we don't have a good group photo. Bummer. I guess I'll just have to store that one away in my mind.

But here are a few of my favorites for you to enjoy:

Thanks, everybody, for coming...we love you.

(Boehmers & Baileys, I'll post a link to Picasa once I create the album!)

Christy Nockels' words for Moms

2009-09-29T11:03:00.000-07:00

I viewed these short videos on someone else's blog today, and they made me weep--just wanted to share with more people. Very timely for me. Be blessed!

Being A Mom {Part 1} from christy nockels on Vimeo.

Being A Mom {Part 2} from christy nockels on Vimeo.

The Song Post

2009-09-21T11:32:00.000-07:00

Isaiah has been singing "How Great is Our God" for many months now, and of course every time he sings it perfectly, I can't grab my camera in time...but I finally got something worth posting.

Oh and that right-arm-movement going on is his air guitar, which he plays often.

And here are Elliot and Isaiah working on "Say what you need to Say"

Happy Monday to you...and a Happier week ahead for all of us, I hope :)

"That Mom"

2009-09-17T11:35:00.000-07:00

I selfishly hope I'm not the only one who has these horrible moments when I turn into the mom I do NOT want to be...

There are the shameful times I snap for no "good" reason, just the culmination of a rough morning or not enough sleep and not enough coffee (or maybe too much??) When I feel like a complete jerk, and if anyone else talked to my kids this way I'd be smashing their face in because moms do have that violent side when someone else does anything less than kind to their child. But many days around naptime, when the kids are not listening immediately and I just need a tiny little break from the silliness or the naughtiness I turn into the "snappy" mom that I do NOT want to be...

And then there is the frazzled, stressed out, strung out, crazy-lady-mom that appears sometimes. Like today when I feel like I shouldn't have even TRIED to get together with friends because I was so distracted, and stressed out, trying to keep an eye on my independent 3-year-old and chasing my 1-year-old to make sure he does not jump off the top of the tall slide or run into the street, and I cannot even make eye contact or have a normal conversation. Everything is in fragments and nothing gets finished and I leave the park thinking "Why did I even try??" I"m that "stressed out" mom that I do not want to be...

Snappy and stressed out seem to have dominated my motherhood this past week. I've been stuck in it and feel guilty about it, and it steals all the joy there is to capture with a 1 and 3 yr old in your life. It just feels like one of those HARD seasons. Where absolutely nothing is easy. Going outside to play is hard because Isaiah WILL eat dog poop if he comes across it (and there is a lot around here) and he WILL run in front of a speeding car if he's given the chance. Mealtimes are hard because Elliot will NOT eat just anything so I ALWAYS have to figure out creative and fun games to get him to eat his food to grow strong and healthy. And I have to remind myself that the chart outside his preschool room today, with the heights and weights of all the children was really just a fun activity they did, and not meant to say I'm a bad mom for having the smallest child in the class. Really. I do know this. I may just be a tad bit sensitive about it lately.

Anyway...it just seems to be a difficult week where I feel totally spent all the time, and wonder how to get out of this place of being the mom I don't want to be.

Mostly I'm reminded how much I need God's presence and peace in my every day. Reminded that I CANNOT do this alone. Being "just" a mom requires a lot of help from the ONE who can help. :) There's such a need to be re-centered in Him so that I can do ordinary things like go to the park and make lunch without being the snappy, stressed out, or sensitive mom!

But there was a bright spot this week. A moment when I deliberately stepped out of my frazzled state to enjoy my 3 yr old. Even though it was almost 10pm and he was not yet sleeping, I attempted to enjoy him in my own exhaustion, and this is what took place:

He told me a very long story about what he'll do when he's big and I'm little--things like driving a car, and opening the door with the "big" key...and other fabulous things that I may have spaced out of a little bit (and wish I didn't.)

When I got a little chance to talk I said, "I love it when you dream... I love it when you imagine... I love it when you tell me stories... I love it when you talk to me..." and he jumped in,

"I love it when you sleep, Momma!"

I was immediately warmed by his charm and sweetness, but oh, how I wished I were in bed and this child sleeping sweetly!

"I love it when YOU sleep." I said. And I thought to myself about his use of the word "Momma" which is new. It's not a babyish word, just endearing. And he seems so old saying it. So I added, "I love it when you call me Momma."

"I love it when I call you 'Angela'."

Stinker. I laughed. And then I tried to get him into bed. But laughter is a slippery slope and children sometimes can't get back to serious after that. So after being forced to get stern a little later, I didn't feel like I said a GOOD "good night".

Finally around 10:30 he was sleeping lightly. But I got close, trying to wake him a little bit...touching his face, and kissing him with strong kisses. He didn't stir.

"I love you" I whispered.

There was a long pause, and then barely speaking I hear and see a breathy, "love you" from his lips

"Good night."
"night."

* * * * * * *
When I mess up, which I know I'll continue to do, I want to know how to make up.

When I'm stressed out, snappy, or sensitive, I want to know how to center.

I want to be that mom.

Halmonee Here!

2009-09-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

Insoo's mom, "Halmonee" to our kids (Korean for "Grandma") flew back to Florida this morning after a quick visit.

I thought I'd pick her top 3 favorite moments of the trip for her:

#3--Being squished in the back of our Saturn between two carseats

#2--Going to the zoo....again! (She did get a kick out of the baby elephant, though.)

And her #1 moment of her time here--cooking an elaborate Korean meal for her only son's 35th birthday!

Thanks for making the trip out here, Halmonee. We appreciate every moment we get to have with you.
We love you and miss you.

Funny Friday

2009-09-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

This is my 3rd and final day of "single-parenting" while Insoo was away at a conference in GA this week. In the words of my dear friend Betsie, my prince charming is coming home to rescue me tonight. :) I am so Thankful!!!

Rather than focusing on the frazzling, draining, exhausting, difficult, crazy, stressful, and tearful moments of the past few days I want to tell you about the 2 funniest moments, one for each child.

Isaiah has taken to sleeping with this block on his arm. Every single nap and night, he puts it on his wrist immediately after getting into bed. He's so proud, happy, and calm with it on. And I think it is hilarious.

This moment definitely needs some explanation...unless you're well-versed in your Wiggles trivia.
You already know what a Wiggles fanatic Elliot is, right? One of my friends said that evidence of genius in kids is fixating on one thing...well maybe Elliot is a Wiggles Genius. :) I came across this display on our living room floor.

From left to right:

PURPLE
Jeff is Purple, and everyone knows that when you don't have something Purple, Green is the first substitute.

(This happens at our house multiple times a day...Elliot calls green "purple" so that it is a wiggles color. He also insists on the family wearing the 4 wiggles colors every day. We are working with him on that, since we really don't want to go around dressed as the Wiggles family all the time.)

So Percy the train is "Jeff" standing on his purple platform. Jeff also plays the piano, hence the "piano" on the furthest left.

BLUE
Anthony is Blue, so clearly Thomas the train becomes "Anthony" standing on his blue platform.
Anthony also plays the drums, so he's got the drumsticks resting on his platform with the drum in front.

YELLOW
Greg is Yellow, so Molly the train becomes "Greg" standing on his yellow platform.
Greg is the driver of the "Big Red Car".

RED
Murray is Red, so James the train becomes "Murray" standing on his red platform.
Murray is the #1 guitar player of the Wiggles.
Sing with me now: "Play your guitar with Murray...play your guitar with him...play your guitar with Murray...let's all play and sing."

Honestly, I was pretty impressed with this display. I had no idea he was working on a Wiggles model in the living room, and the thought and creativity that went into it--without a moment of assistance from me was pretty amazing I thought!

Then again, I'm a little biased. :)

Counting the hours until Insoo returns home! (I know, I'm such a baby.)

The Preschool Report

2009-09-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

Day 1: Orientation (45 min) Elliot was SO excited (as I described in the previous post) and happy as we went into his orientation on Wednesday. We got there super early, to just walk around and take photos and get "acquainted" with the building. He got to meet his teachers in person and his classmates, and they separated the parents from the kids for a little while and he was not phased. Nor was he ready to leave when the time was up. GOOD Sign. :)

He didn't talk much about his time alone with me, but after we picked up Insoo from work he was full of stories that I knew nothing about.

Day 2: 1st Day of School (1.5 hrs) Elliot was very excited again! Insoo and I dropped him off together, and when I convinced Insoo that it was OK to leave the room, Elliot was perfectly fine. We got to the hallway and acknowledged to each other that we have a "big boy" now. Both of us probably could have cried, but didn't. :) This week and next week, we have shortened days, working up to the full 2.5 hrs/day in a couple weeks. So this week is only 1.5 hrs a day--easy.

We both picked him up from his first day of school to celebrate with a McDonalds lunch and milkshake!

The Evening before Day 2 (3 hrs)
Elliot had a very hard time going to sleep. He knew preschool was coming again the next day. He had been hyper all afternoon, and I could not attribute it to anything he ate. He was not naughty (although I am realizing there will definitely be a new phase of boundary-testing as he gains and explores more independence...fun stuff) but seemed to have a bit of a tummy ache, had trouble going to the bathroom, kept getting out of bed to go, couldn't, etc. After 2 attempts I started to wonder if he was nervous. Around 10PM he called me up again.

He said, "Mommy, will you rock me?"

Yep, he must be a little nervous...I will most certainly rock my baby (for the moment).

He wrapped his skinny little arms and legs around my torso like a monkey. He buried his head in my neck and we rocked.

I thought about how hard it is to enter the "real world". How this little step is a significant one for him. I thought he might possibly be having some anxiety about school and reminded myself that it would be normal. I didn't want to project or suggest any of that, but just wanted to be mentally aware...so I just rocked him. Praying silently.

And I started thinking about the many days I went to school with a nervous stomach, wanting more than anything to just stay home. I thought about when I changed schools and the fear I felt walking into new classrooms, meeting new teachers, and trying to figure out how to make new friends.

I thought about my little brother with his very mean teacher and the tears he cried every single day leaving the house and waiting for the bus with me. And the kind old bus driver who pulled every available trick out of his sleeve trying desperately to get my brother to stop crying. It must have broken his heart as much as it broke mine!

And I thought about my mom. Oh, it must have killed her to send usto the bus stop with nervous tummies and tears streaming down our faces. How in the world did she do it? She had to, I guess. She did not have a choice. I have already determined I will be forced to home-school if my kids do that to me! (Please don't.)

So I thought...and I prayed...and I still hoped it wasn't even about any of this until I heard his tiniest, highest, squeakiest voice say,

"Mommy?"

"what, honey?" I whispered

"I don't want to go to preschool."

Oh my gosh. I broke. My eyes were flooded with tears. And I did NOT want him to know this. I sat there stunned for a minute gathering my strong-self. I swallowed. Then I picked him up and carried him downstairs.

It didn't matter that it was after 10PM.

We sat on the couch and looked at his Orange Tigger folder from school (which he LOVES) and talked about all his favorite things about preschool. We went and pulled out his orange "Little Blessings" Tshirt he received at school that day. I had planned to wash it before he wore it, but I showed it to him, he tried it on, complained about the tag, I cut the tag out, and he even asked me to take a picture!!!!! We decided he would definitely wear that shirt the next day. He was doing so much better.

I brought him back to his room, and when he requested I lay on the floor until he was asleep, I obliged.

He still wasn't sleeping when Insoo got home around 10:30. I told Elliot I'd send Daddy up to say good night. I quickly and quietly told Insoo the whole story, but by the time he got up to his room, Elliot had fallen fast asleep.

But I know he had bad dreams because I heard him in the night.

Day 3: Getting ready for School (1 hr)
Elliot did not want to get out of bed, did not want to go potty, did not want to get dressed (new orange shirt and all), did not want to eat breakfast, and did NOT want to go to preschool.

Exasperated, I called for backup.

I still don't know what Insoo did, but he got him giggling and managed to get him dressed and excited for preschool!

2nd Day of Preschool (1.5 hrs)
While Elliot was in the bathroom, I discreetly warned his teacher about the night and morning--just so she was aware.

Elliot was amazing. There were no tears, and no more talk of not wanting to go to preschool. We said a quick good bye, and walked out of the room.

When I picked him up, his teacher said he did great, and was surprised to hear about his trouble last night and this morning. (Yeah. Tell me about it!)

Whew!!!
And I thought I wouldn't have much to report!!

Here's hoping next week goes smoothly, or that if not, I'll have wisdom and patience and strength to know what to do.

And...We're Off!

2009-09-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

Off to Preschool, that is!

Tomorrow is the day Elliot gets to meet his teachers and his classmates--it's his "orientation" day, and he CANNOT Wait!!! We have been counting down the days for the past week, reviewing his 2 teachers' names, his classroom color (Orange...thankfully he has not yet had a fit that it is not one of the Wiggles colors! I pray he won't when he finds out the other classroom colors) and talking about other friends of his who are starting preschool--like Lillian (whom he stated was his best friend, yesterday).

So aside from the teary-ness I felt while researching about 5 different preschools, we've been very excited at our house! But then yesterday I made the huge mistake of saying, "Tomorrow when you wake up you get to say, 'Tomorrow I get to meet my teachers' "...well, that's confusing enough for an adult--let alone a 3 year old. What was I thinking?

So this morning, I heard him talking for a while in his bedroom when he woke up, but he waited until he heard our alarm ring to come into our room. He put his little head right in front of my face and said so sweetly, "Mommy, Today I get to go to my Orange 3's Tiggers Class??" I felt terrible. "No, honey...tomorrow you get to meet your tea--" And he started BAWLING. He was SO upset! And I was kicking myself.

Soon enough, we had him excited about the adventures that today held (like Trader Joe's and finding "Finnegan" for those of you TJ fans) and he was talking about meeting his teachers tomorrow. Whew!

So tomorrow it all begins. This will mean a much stricter schedule for our family, and the beginning of time flying even faster.

I always thought I was the type of mom who would keep my kids home as long as I could. And I LOVE having them home. I absolutely cherish being home with them and teaching them. But a few months ago I also felt, rather suddenly, that Elliot would benefit greatly from preschool--learning from other adults, interacting with other kids, figuring out how to express and explain himself to other people who don't know him inside & out. And I really believe this is going to be a wonderful thing for him.

Yes, it will make him "grow up" even faster. I'm trying to be ok with that, and to keep wanting the very best for him. I'm thrilled to see him take little steps in growing up. He's so proud to say he's 3. He loves to talk about how "big" he is (we recently had to have a couple tests done because he's so small, but so far we don't have to worry about anything.) He'll probably be the smallest in his class but he won't even notice. He loves to say, "I'm still growing!" and then stretch his body and neck as high as he can while going "wooooo" swooping up with his voice. (yes, the Wiggles.)

And he is. He's growing. He's my big boy. Always my baby, but my big boy with a huge heart and a brilliant mind. And I am so excited to see what he will learn this year, and how he'll grow (in so many ways).

Plus, it's only 2 mornings a week from 9-11:30, so that really helps my adjustment process as well! And I know I'll enjoy some one-on-one time with Isaiah too.

So here we go! The "school year" is about to start. Weird. I think I'm ready...or as ready as I can be. Regardless, Elliot is definitely ready. And that is what matters right now.

Birthday Bliss

2009-08-31T12:00:00.000-07:00

Things that made my birthday blissful:

* Lots of Love from my husband and my boys

* Phone calls from all my immediate family and all of Insoo's family (Even his dad in Vietnam!)

* Birthday wishes from over 60 facebook friends--I was touched by every single one.

*Cards in the mail (You know who you are)

* No cooking for 2 days straight (Now that's what I call being spoiled!) :)

* Family Togetherness

* Hearing my kids sing happy birthday to me about 75 times.

* Wonderful hike and a (non)scenic train ride allowing the boys to get their naps in

* Taking lots of photos of the people I love, and not apologizing for it!!

* Eating frosting with the boys

Thank you to everyone who made my day special with words, cards, songs, hugs, gifts, and just being in my life.