Being "Mom"

I have less than an hour left before it's not May anymore, and for some reason it's important to me to get this Mother's Day post out before June arrives!

(The other things I've been trying to find time to write about can all wait until June!)

Mother's Day is one of my absolute favorite days of the year. My husband and my boys dote on me. They let me sleep in! They have secrets and plans and camaraderie. They giggle. They sing to me. They make me breakfast, and I always feel so appreciated.

This year I felt very much like my own beloved mom, because all I really wanted to do was be together, and to go somewhere beautiful and take pictures. So they obliged.

There's something about looking at photos of my kids that causes me to fall in love with them over and over again. I see total perfection in them when I look back at their smiles and see their expressions. I appreciate them so much more in the silent reflection of the slice of time past than I am able to do in the noise of the present...if that makes sense. My heart swells with love for them, but it is often mingled with a tinge of pain, wondering if I loved them enough IN that very moment we captured.

I find myself regularly wondering how much time I'll get to have with my children. I suppose this is partially due to my mom being gone, and celebrating Mother's Day without her. I sometimes, admittedly, lean a little too far on the "fear" side, worrying that I won't have nearly enough time. But for the most part I think it is beneficial for me (and for my parenting) to recognize that we really don't know how many days we have, and to be truly thankful for what God has given me Today.

Lately I've been learning to really, truly enjoy my days with these amazing people. I get to be home with these lovely children every day, through the hard stuff, the silly stuff, the messy stuff, the hilarious stuff, the beautiful stuff. I'm learning to deliberately choose to play and read and teach and hold and tickle and kiss. To not do it just for them, but for me too--because I get to enjoy this wondrous and amazing experience called motherhood. What a beautiful gift it is!

Good bye, Blue 4's!

Elliot celebrated his last day of the Blue 4's preschool class last Friday.

He'll still do another year of preschool before starting kindergarten, otherwise you know I'd be a complete wreck right about now!

The class performed an end-of-year program, so like every other proud mom in the world, I videoed and photoed the whole thing. I do know that many of you really won't care to read this post or to view these adorable videos. You have my permission to skip this post!! But I'm hoping that at least our family will get a little chuckle out of them.

I remember my childhood church and school programs so well. They were a BIG deal, and when my grandparents and other relatives came to see me, I felt so special. So it makes me a little sad during times like these to be so far away from everyone. I know it's just a little preschool program, but to the little preschooler it's a big deal :) And to the mom it's a big deal too :)

So family, for you, the cutest minutes of the whole thing:

5 Little Pumpkins:


Miracle:

And a few quick photos:
most of the class

proud Daddy

proud Mommy

saying good bye

Elliot was so sweet giving hugs to his teachers and his friends.
And I teared up, along with most of the other moms, during the "good bye" song that they closed every day, and the end of the program with:

Good bye, good bye, to you and you and you.
Good bye, good bye, may God watch over you.

Good bye, Blue 4's and Little Blessings Preschool.

Turning Three!

"Mommy, am I big now?"
This is what Isaiah loves to ask me. I say something along the lines of, "Let me see..." and he proudly stretches himself out and reminds me again that my "baby" is 3 years old. And I say, "Yes, honey. You are so, so big. I am so proud of you, my 3 year old big boy!"

Oh, Isaiah. I love you so much. There are zillions of beautiful traits that make you special but here are a few of my favorite things...

You are such a little character. You have quite the flare for the dramatic, and we wonder if you'll take up acting one day. We were at the International Festival at church the other night, and from the balcony we were watching little kids dancing on stage. You got so sad and came over to me with your droopy eyes and limp body and whined, "I want to dance!" I said, "Go ahead! Dance along with them right here. I'll watch you. Come on! Dance along!" But you crumpled into a heap on the floor crying because you wanted to be "UP THERE" (on stage) dancing.

You belt out wiggles songs at the top of your lungs from the back seat of the van every single day. I'm really glad that Daddy enjoys it as much as I do. We just look at each other and laugh, again and again, day after day.

You're a really good brother to Elliot. You two certainly have your share of fights but you are also so good to each other. And you, being younger, look up to him so much. You are his little sidekick and support and you say things like, "Great idea, Elliot!" You certainly stand your ground, and stick up for yourself appropriately. But the moments of loyalty and friendship I see in you guys just melt me. You hate to see him get in trouble, and you love him fiercely.

You are extremely affectionate. Today as I carried you (yes, carried you) from church you kissed me over and over and over on the lips and anywhere else you could reach. You LOVE to see Daddy come home at the end of the day, and you regularly tell him that you missed him. When I pick you up from your class at church, you say, "YESSSS!" and run to me. I think you tell me more than anyone else in my life that I'm beautiful, and your words melt me every time. And you still say the adorable phrase, "Can I hold you?" and I don't ever want that to go away.

You are crazy about Oliver, and we are still working on your ability to control your energy and be GENTLE with him. But you just love seeing him and getting your little hands on him and it's like you just cannot contain your love and excitement over your baby brother.

You love to pray. At meals you're almost always the first one to volunteer. And at night sometimes we imagine Jesus sitting in the rocking chair, while we confess to him some things we have done and ask Him to forgive us. One night, with no prompting by me, you walked right up to the rocking chair, rested your elbow on the arm rest and leaned in, getting as close as you dared to be where Jesus was "sitting". The look on your face, and in your body language was so beautiful. I loved seeing you sort of "snuggle up" to Him right in front of me. You regularly remember the wrong things you did (especially to Elliot) and say you're sorry. Then you often say in your God-voice, "I forgive you."

You make us laugh every single day and you love so freely. You have trouble with your "r"s and "l"s, and it's really cute to me. (A bit frustrating for you, though, when we don't understand you.) You are an amazing little boy, so full of life and love and laughter and a wee bit of naughty thrown in there to round you out! I am so thankful for you, my darling second born son.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Insoo and I got home from our very first trip away from the boys (another post on that very soon) ON Isaiah's birthday. I wouldn't let them celebrate without us, so when they got us from the airport around 5pm, THEN it was his birthday!! We celebrated with a fun dinner at Max & Erma's and their very fun ice cream sundae bar. It was a hit!
And when we got home you got to open your toy story themed presents! Your favorites are your umbrella from Elliot, your Buzz game from Papa and Judy, and your "piewing" gun from Hazel and Griffin. We do read from your new buzz book from Mommy and Daddy twice a day and you like the buzz and woody shirt I scored for $2, but the toys are your favorites!I love you, my beautiful three-year-old boy. More and more every day. May you continue to grow into the little boy that God has made you to be. May you FLY like Buzz Lightyear, and defeat the Evil Emperor Zurg. May you fight for what is good and true all the days of your life.