Being "Mom"

I have less than an hour left before it's not May anymore, and for some reason it's important to me to get this Mother's Day post out before June arrives!

(The other things I've been trying to find time to write about can all wait until June!)

Mother's Day is one of my absolute favorite days of the year. My husband and my boys dote on me. They let me sleep in! They have secrets and plans and camaraderie. They giggle. They sing to me. They make me breakfast, and I always feel so appreciated.

This year I felt very much like my own beloved mom, because all I really wanted to do was be together, and to go somewhere beautiful and take pictures. So they obliged.

There's something about looking at photos of my kids that causes me to fall in love with them over and over again. I see total perfection in them when I look back at their smiles and see their expressions. I appreciate them so much more in the silent reflection of the slice of time past than I am able to do in the noise of the present...if that makes sense. My heart swells with love for them, but it is often mingled with a tinge of pain, wondering if I loved them enough IN that very moment we captured.

I find myself regularly wondering how much time I'll get to have with my children. I suppose this is partially due to my mom being gone, and celebrating Mother's Day without her. I sometimes, admittedly, lean a little too far on the "fear" side, worrying that I won't have nearly enough time. But for the most part I think it is beneficial for me (and for my parenting) to recognize that we really don't know how many days we have, and to be truly thankful for what God has given me Today.

Lately I've been learning to really, truly enjoy my days with these amazing people. I get to be home with these lovely children every day, through the hard stuff, the silly stuff, the messy stuff, the hilarious stuff, the beautiful stuff. I'm learning to deliberately choose to play and read and teach and hold and tickle and kiss. To not do it just for them, but for me too--because I get to enjoy this wondrous and amazing experience called motherhood. What a beautiful gift it is!