Teeth, Timing, and Trust

My "baby"...my 4 year old...my incredibly sensitive, loving, compassionate, and COURAGEOUS son...had a "first" today.

A "first" I wish he would have never needed to have...but he did.

A root canal!
A "baby root canal"
Today they even mentioned the possibility of a "partial" root canal.
But a root canal, nonetheless.

I've already been through the tremendous feelings of guilt, questioning why in the world he has such bad teeth when we are very careful with sugar, and juice is a special treat, and while I'm not nearly qualified to be a called a "health nut", we take nutrition seriously and there was absolutely none of the "juice in a bottle at 6 months" type of reasons the dentist was rattling off, and we do brush their teeth once or twice a day, and well, we don't floss-oops-didn't know I had to floss my 2 and 4 yr old but you better believe we do now, and why--oh why does my boy have such terrible teeth? Besides the little fact that my parents, siblings, and myself all have had terrible teeth...so naturally he inherited my horrible teeth genes...poor thing.

Anyway, I worked through those feelings of guilt and responsibility. We've taken more steps as a family to be MORE aware of sugar in things like bread and yogurt. We do try to floss their teeth every night and we've upped the brushing ritual to 3 times a day, and we'll see if this brings better success.

I've pushed back the date of this procedure twice now, landing on today, the 2nd of September, and actually keeping it even though it was supposed to be his first day of preschool. He missed the first day...but I knew I couldn't postpone this any longer.

I was terribly freaked out, to say the least. Thankfully I hid it well enough to help Elliot become VERY excited about going to the dentist, getting to wear a mask like Lillian does for her nebulizer treatments, and get his hole in his tooth fixed. He's been looking forward to this day just as much as I've been dreading it.

Imagine my relief when Insoo was able to come along!
How Perfect!!! I can hold Elliot's hand and Insoo can hold mine 'cuz this mommy definitely needs some comfort while I watch my baby go through this.

Well only one parent was allowed in the room for the procedure and as fearful and inadequate I felt, hoping Insoo could be the strong one, Elliot asked me to stay. (I was still really glad Insoo was just steps away in the waiting room!)

Elliot was an absolute champion. He wasn't put out or anything--it would have cost around $700 out of pocket to have that done, and believe me I considered it HARD!! He was so strong, so brave, so calm (thank you, laughing gas, for having a very good effect on my child!) and the dentist and assistant were both exceptionally good with him. It was as great an experience I could have hoped for!!!

...until the minute he saw that big silver cap on his tooth in the mirror and did not like what he saw...and from that moment...especially when we stepped outside the door of the dentist's office...many tears ensued.

He cried hard for a whole hour, while we dropped off Insoo at work, picked up Isaiah from our friends' house, and headed back home. Reassuring him that this funny numb feeling would go away didn't help...holding him didn't help...his prize from the dentist didn't help...a smoothie from McD's didn't even help...he claimed to be in a lot of pain and repeatedly begged me to let him take the tooth out, or to take it out myself when we got home. Only my story of myself at 5 years old with 5 caps on my teeth...my mouth so numb I couldn't talk right, and imitating the "Thhhhpplaat thhhhhwwwwoooo plllthhhaaathaw" of myself trying to talk got a few giggles out of him...just for a minute or two.
I wondered if this really was pain and not the numb feeling...and wondered if it would really ever go away.

But the second we arrived home he was absolutely fine. (Thanks, ibuprofen? the numbing wearing off? or combo?) It didn't hurt anymore, and he said he LIKED his new tooth!!!

PHEW!!!!
I could breathe again. :)
And get to work preparing some soft foods for the child to eat for lunch!

And so far, so good!!! We'll try to stay on top of the pain meds, and hope this good attitude about it all remains!! ...Especially since we need to return for a few fillings next time. :(

It's such a learning process, as a parent, to witness your child suffer. To see them experience things you cannot protect them from, as fiercely as you may try. Whether it is a root canal, a bully at school, a bad dream, adjusting to kindergarten, or feeling left out from other kids. There's only so much you can do as a mom. And it doesn't feel like it is nearly enough, when your child is in tears, from physical or emotional pain.

It causes me to question myself and wonder if I'm even close to doing this thing "right".

As one of my friends recently stated, "I just want to be a good mom ALL the time. Is that too much to ask?"
(Please, no comments about being a good mom...that's not my point.)

Motherhood matures me, as I walk the balance of "being there"--all the time--for my kids...and knowing that ultimately I'm really not "enough" and I am in need of my God to fill in for all my inadequacies. I leaned over that dentist chair holding my son's two hands with my own and trying to rub his legs with the inside of my arm, letting him know I was constantly there. Yet I was so painfully aware of what I couldn't really do--protect him from pain, or fear, or vomiting from the laughing gas. And I was forced to trust in One who could...and even if He didn't protect him from those things in that moment, would be holding both of us through it.

I'm so thankful that ultimately our experience was SO, so good.
But I am also aware of my greater need to Trust in the Lover of our Souls--and our Sons!! :)

HE showed just one aspect of His care and provision for us in a pretty miraculous way too!
After applying for medicaid (no dental insurance for E) and being denied...after trying to add him to our insurance during non-open-enrollment...after going through other non-insurance ways of finding dental discounts...after finally keeping this date in faith, and after believing God has--and would continue to--help us afford these high bills we knew were to come, we found out we could add the kids to our insurance the day after Insoo returned from Indonesia (end of open enrollment--WHO KNEW?) and it would be effective Sept 1st.

Perfect Timing? I believe so.

Now the boys sleep peacefully, and I'm going to scrounge around this house to find some Chuck-E-Cheese tokens...I think there are some around here somewhere :) We'll have a little celebration for this new tooth for our brave little boy!!!

Waiting for Morning...

We have made it 17 days without Insoo.

Yes, the first day does count even though it was evening when he left.

Life without Daddy here is really hard. We've managed, though. And I think I can say I have not lost my cool...though there have been times I have had to tell myself to breathe, and "just make it through."

The boys have been showing me their differences as they grow--as they should. And I'm always glad when I see things that are, indeed, different about them because I usually tend to see their likenesses. But with Daddy being gone, their differences in dealing with that have been quite obvious.

Isaiah is 2. And it's been quite a bonding summer with Daddy. So over these days he has asked for Daddy on numerous occasions (especially while throwing up and feeling miserable, all he wanted was to "hold Daddy"...he seemed sure that would make it all go away.) He has asked "Where is Daddy?" frequently--especially after returning from our big road trip to our home...where Daddy was not. He has worked hard to remember the word "Indonesia." He reminds me quite often that the "best Daddy" is in Indonesia (gesturing and looking upwards). And on the brief and few occasions we've had to skype, Isaiah has been so excited and talkative and cannot stop kissing the computer screen :) I'm quite certain he is dreaming, now, of tomorrow morning when we will drive to the airport, he'll wait for Daddy behind the red line, and run into his arms the moment he spots him.

Elliot is now 4. I have yet to figure out 4 year olds...they are a bit more complicated than 2 year olds. He's also a first-born, very responsible, one who typically holds it together. So he's barely breathed a word of Daddy being gone. He knows he's gone, so he doesn't ask where he is. He did on one occasion of vulnerability, claim wholeheartedly to see Daddy in his black shirt waving to him from an airplane window and saying hi to him. That was the day after Insoo left, and has been all Elliot has shared of his heart-sickness. He has kept everything in. Even at the chances to skype, he's been very quiet and shy, reverting to some baby talk and strange behaviors. I suppose he doesn't even know what's going on inside. Yesterday, after our longest opportunity to skype with Insoo (and after being apart for 2 weeks) it was naptime. Elliot awoke from his nap just sobbing. SOBBING. It was the saddest sounding cry I've ever heard. I kept trying to figure out what he was crying about, but he wasn't talking at all. Just sobbing and sobbing. I played detective, wondering about bad dreams or sickness...anything hurting anywhere at all? I almost didn't want to ask because I didn't want to suggest...but finally I had to ask, "Do you miss Daddy?" And after a brief denial, he conceded...with just a nod. And shortly after that, with more hugging and holding, and assurance that Daddy WAS coming home, he stopped crying. He knows Daddy is coming home tomorrow, and I'm quite certain that though he is 4, and not 2, he will also be sprinting into Daddy's arms when he sees him at the airport.

And there's me. I cope with his absence by doing absolutely insane things, like driving with 2 small children just 7 weeks before my due date (medical records in hand) 17 hrs DRIVING TIME (which takes about 2 full days with stops) so that I can be with family, and not alone in our home without my husband. I keep myself as busy as I can so that I'm not overwhelmed with sadness or consumed with the awful thoughts of planes crashing or him being alone in a country he's never been to with people he doesn't know from Adam.

Over the course of our crazy road trip, we all got sick. Like really sick--puking sick. It was quite awful. I've asked myself if I'd do it again--if I knew that would happen. Was it worth it? And I know quite certainly that the answer is yes. I did get to see my family, that I love so dearly. I had time with a couple of dear, dear friends. I saw cousins and aunts and uncles that I adore. I had Andrea and Maria and Dad and Judy to help when I could do nothing but throw up or sleep (or take care of a puking child). There was NO throwing up in the van (though I was mighty scared on the way home!) The boys were Ah-Mazing travelers. (The last 2-3 hrs on our way home were a bit harry...but what do you expect?) I got a bit more time with my amazing nieces and nephew, which is such a treat for me. And, it kept me going at all times so that I wasn't caught up in self-pity about being alone with my boys, without Insoo. Especially at night.

So all-in-all...even with the sickness...TOTALLY worth it.

I have not a single photo to show for it since the camera has been in Indonesia.
But it's ok.
It was a trip about living life and doing the dirty-work of sickness and all, with my family that I don't see nearly enough...and it got me through a rough couple weeks. I actually survived. WE survived!

So here we are on the eve before Insoo's return.
We're SO ready! (Though I have a few more things to do around the house!)
I hope I can sleep tonight :)
I pray that there will be no plane delays...
I am so looking forward to seeing this again:
and of course this:
(But without the beautiful background. It really doesn't matter at this point.)

And tomorrow's my birthday...what a great birthday gift, right?
The best I could ask for!!!

Come home, honey! Morning can't come soon enough.

Describing Perfection

Oh glorious vacation, how did we love thee?

Let me count the ways...

1. Family Togetherness

2. Time with my Sister (auntie Mel)!

3. A fabulous place to stay for a week

4. Brother Lovin'

5. Amazing Food

6. And Dessert upon Dessert (upon dessert...chalk it up to "baby" weight!)

7. The Beach

8. Water Park

9. Carriage Ride & Walks Downtown

10. Fountains!

11. And Date Night (x 2!)


What a fabulous time was had by all! We are so thankful for this time away, to rest and relax and enjoy being together. Now it's back to reality. And while it is a bit difficult to adjust back to real life...Real life is really good too. And I am thankful for that as well.

Summer Fun "Trip" 2!!

Are these guys a trip, or what???

I recently had the great privilege of having all my sisters and all my nieces and my nephew here at our house for "Sisters Week 2010"...and what a TRIP it was!!! I was the lucky one who didn't have to travel away from home this time.

It was crazy and chaotic, full and FUN!!!

We had 5 adults and 6 kids under 6 in one 2-bedroom apartment! And it was worth every minute of craziness.

"Hey Guys!! Get your moms and Auntie Mel to drive you to our house in Ohio! We'll have lots of fun!"

The kids got along so well! Since my kids don't have the privilege of seeing their cousins often, it's always so important to me that the kids get along and treat each other well during the few times we do have to see one another. So when they do that, it makes our time all the more sweet!!!

We did so many fun things!

We went to the park

We got to celebrate the 4th of July together

And we celebrated Elliot's birthday a month early at "Kingdom of Bounce" since all his little cousins would be here!

We ate outside most of the time--picnic style is the way to go with so many people in a small space!

Some of the kids' favorites were popsicles, corn on the cob, and watermelon!


The kids even got story time with Auntie Mel (Isn't she the best???)

There were lots of hugs and kisses going around

And also runny noses, sippy cups, and many many germs!

But baths were shared too, so it's all a wash, right?!

My time with my sisters was absolutely priceless. Nap-times and night-times with the kids in their beds were our talk-times and game-times. (No matter that we were all running on hardly any sleep from day 1!) Insoo even let us leave the house one night after the kids were in bed, for a night on the town where we indulged in avocado rolls and cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory. MMmmmm...my mouth is watering again. We had a great time playing a funky dice game, speed scrabble, and phase 10. But my favorite moments were the times we just talked. We talked about everything from "Who would you punch in the face?" to "What attributes of Mom do we see in each other?" And it was just so good to live life together for a few days. Making meals, cleaning up, caring for kids, worshiping God, celebrating birthdays & holidays. I still hope that one day I'll live in closer proximity to at least one of my siblings. But for now, I just cherish these times together in my heart.


**For lots more photos CLICK HERE

Summer Fun (Trip One)

This summer is beginning to kick my butt.

I started out so very optimistic and excited about all the things we were going to do...especially as this will be the last summer of just 2 boys. (I am a bit terrified to think of what things will look like with another little one, as I still only have 2 hands, etc. I wonder why God doesn't increase a mother's number of hands and decrease the amount of sleep she needs with each pregnancy?)

I want to make the summer count...do tons of fun stuff with the kids to keep them busy and learning and having fun and enjoying our time together. We're going to the pool, splash parks, the zoo, COSI, the park, play dates, free movies at the theater up the street, library events, & crafting together at home. We're planning to visit people and do "trips" as much as possible, since I don't know how easy it will be for the next couple years...not that it is easy now, but 2 and 3 yr olds actually do pretty well. And be sure, I am keeping written calendars which will make it into their "keepsake files" at the end of the summer to record all the fun stuff we're doing.

So here I am, after more than one full month of this, and I am absolutely TIRED.

I'm sure that being less than a week from my 3rd trimester (yikes!!!!) in this wretched heat (which normally does not bother me) is not helping things. And having a horrible itchy UGLY rash that is beginning to cover almost my whole body, causing me to wake up in the middle of the night wanting to rip off my skin and taking 3am oatmeal baths just to get back to sleep is not helping things either...but my goodness...I am pooped.

BUT!!!! Summer is here, and it IS the last summer with just my two oldest boys, and we DO have lots of fun stuff scheduled. And I'm NOT backing out. I just may need a bit more chocolate and iced coffee along the way :)

Anyway, our summer adventures have actually already begun and I'm just terribly behind in blogging about them. So here goes the first installment!

Summer Fun Trip 1--West Virginia!!!
(Just me and the kids!)

The first reason for the trip was these lovely people:
and their beautiful children...Mainly it was to have as much Heidi-time as possible, and chat as best we could while caring for all the little ones demanding attention...very difficult to do.

My dear friends are no longer 3 hours away, and I had to make one last trip out to see Heidi while it was still possible. Sadly it's been very difficult to see each other even at that "short" distance, with 5 kids and 3 driving hours between the 2 of us, but thankfully we did make it work a few times. It will be much more difficult now. But we enjoyed the time we had!!! :)

The kids played quite wonderfully together. The highlight was making mint tea after picking the mint leaves in their backyard:

And they also loved eating "corn on the cob" and trying to feed it to the babies.
(I'm so sad that Justice didn't make it into a single photo and I have no idea how in the world that happened. Sorry!!) I think the only girl in the bunch deserves her own photo though, don't you??Heidi, I'll certainly miss having you "close by"...I can't even begin to wonder when I'll see you again, but I trust it will happen. Oh--maybe for the next Chicago girl's "big" birthday shindig :)

A great 2nd bonus was seeing these lovely people:
My dear aunt and uncle are like surrogate parents for me, as they open up their home to me at any time and spoil me and my kids as much as they possibly can. Their home is always my home, and it really feels like I get pampered like I would be by my own mom! Connie always resembles mom in many ways, even though Cliff is the blood relation. She and mom were kindred spirits. And even Elliot must have sensed that because the first day we were there he mentioned something to me about "it used to be Grandma Sharon's house"...or something like that. It didn't make sense to me but he seemed to connect something about Grandma Sharon to being at Connie's house. And I just love that.

The boys got lots and lots of Bryson-time which they loved too!!!

Bryson and the boys had a BLAST in the little pool and slide in the yard
They also got to eat at Mc Donald's, where Elliot tried to figure out what in the world these video games were all aboutThey got to "meet" a rooster!

And play on a swingset.

And these are the things summer is made for.

So gear up, Ang...lots more summer fun to come.